Finding my way - part 4

[Meghan]

Those are really great resources, Old Dog - I'm going to have a go at a few of them tonight. You've also reminded me that I should start up that mindfulness meditation practice that I've been talking about. Thank you, and I hope that your heart recovers eventually.

Lisa, it's hard when the changes seem to be based in reality. I've seen the changes he's made, and it's hard to not question how he can be doing the very things I've been suggesting for years. It feels, to me anyway, like the fact that he's doing them makes it very clear that it wasn't that he couldn't do them before, but that he chose not to.

Even more frustrating? Once, in counseling, he was talking about his online friend and how he needed someone on his side who would support him in the changes he was making because I didn't want him to make good changes for himself. He started making changes right when he found his online friend. This made me think he was having an EA and I freaked out a bit. He took my concerns as an indication that I didn't want him to improve himself and wasn't supporting him.

But for years, I've offered to help him look for jobs, do an elimination diet, count calories, cook healthier meals, and work out a running and exercise program. Did he ever take me up on it? No. So not only did he make changes that he's never had an interest in making within our relationship, but he claimed I don't want him to be better, I didn't support him, and that he needed an online friend to be on his side when I've actually been trying to support him in doing these things for the whole of our marriage.

Maddening. Absolutely maddening.