She has been 1800 miles away, I'm not sure she even has the opportunity to notice. At the start of this, I was changing for her. But through it, well.... I have been alone three months now. I have been broken, started to rebuild myself, I've been there for the kids as much as I can, and I've been there for myself.
I've started living again, though bouts of fear and anxiety still overwhelm me at times. I'm down about 15 lbs (I wish I was down more, but considering all the stress and travel... I'm good with that). I've cut out caffeine, hard liquor (I rarely drink even a beer anymore).
The most important thing, I got treatment for some Trauma issues I had as a child, and then as a Marine. I'm 1000 times calmer now. Hell, I am handling separation (and the fear of divorce), job change (company got acquired), and moving without breaking down.
In the past if I was in this situation I would have an anxiety attack and just freak.
And now, I am picking up the W a the airport tomorrow at 10:30. She is coming over to pack stuff and drive a uhaul across America to Tx. I am hopeful that we can continue to improve our relations, though fearful that the OM I believe is in the picture may be top of her mind.
My hope is that she is using him as a buffer, a temporary toy to keep her busy. One of our friends called him a "Beta". Easily pushed around, not strong willed, not driven. Basically the opposite of me. I hope that when she see's me strong that it will trigger something in her.... hoping...
Me: 35 Her: 33 D : 16 S : 9 Together: 14 years Married: 12 She left 4/14/2014 Separated: 5/25/2014 OM Confirmed 7/2014 She filed 8/7/2014 I Filed 10/21/2014 Divorce final 2/12/2015
