Nitty in a Nutshell (Help! I'm in a nutshell!)

[Nitty]

HopeTex, I will buy that book. I read it several years ago and you're right, I think it will help me now. Just learning how to detach with H has helped me detach from other situations I tried to control, to no benefit. So I need to continue working on it.

Would it be a 180 for you to ask him to pick up the pace, you don't want to be stuck in neutral any more than he does? I believe the more vulgar expression is "$#!+ or get off the pot." You've made your position clear; he's waffling. MOVE FORWARD! If he starts putting on the brakes, well, now we have a situation.

Shakespr, I'm not sure. I am no good at strategy. Feeling a little at sea, not sure how to proceed.

On one hand, he is the one who wants this D, I don't want to make it easier for him. I won't drag my feet and will supply documentation as needed. But he started it, he needs to finish it. I won't do his work for him or remind him to keep to his own deadlines.

On the other hand, I do want to repair our M and think that any delays may help save our marriage. Which I would only want to continue if he stopped being such an a$$hole. So I don't want to urge him on.

I'm thinking the safest thing is to keep responses strictly business and wait and see what happens at our next mediation. I am also reading and re-reading advice given by people like Starsky. Like this:

BE CIVIL, EVEN COURTEOUS/FRIENDLY. LIKE A NEIGHBOR. BUT DON’T ACT LIKE HIS BFF. CALM. CIVIL. FIRM. RESOLUTE.

At one point, Starsky quotes a line from Band of Brothers, after a soldier tells his leader that he hid on D-Day because he was scared:

We’re all scared. You hid in that ditch because you think there’s still hope. But Blithe, the only hope you have is to accept the fact that you are already dead. And the sooner you accept that the sooner you’ll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function. Without mercy. Without compassion. Without remorse. All war depends on it. --Lt. Ronald Speirs

I guess I need to accept the fact that I am "already D", or at least, already on the way to D. And I need to function without compassion, remorse or mercy.

Just calm, resolute firmness.

Boating was fun, I had a good time. The sadness no longer prevents me from enjoying myself, but it's always present. I figure, I've been with H since I was 20, and this sitch is just going to be hard, no matter what.

Another business text from him this morning about his expenditures, flavored with a little "my life is harder now" sentiment.