Finding my way - part 4

[Meghan]

Thanks, all.

I seem to most often get stick on the idea that somehow he's found his way into a wonderful, amazing life without me - lost more weight, got a good job, found a nice apartment, and is living it up in his city of choice and possibly spending time with his online friend.

These are all things that I wanted for us (well, except the online friend), and that I'm upset didn't happen when we were together. I feel like it could have happened, too, but there were reasons why it didn't, and a lot of them were practical.

I realise I'm probably romanticizing a good deal right now. The images of this wonderful life are just my own creations, but they're there all the same. I feel like I should have had a wonderful life with him, and that we could have had one. And I still want that life with him, even if it takes effort and work. I just have no idea how to get there at this point.