This is terrifying - I hope you understand

[HopeTex]

Welcome to the forum Shakespr. Sorry about the divorce petition. Looks like you are in a good place mentally to take all of this as an opportunity to improve, even if the situation is really hard and painful and you don't know how it will end up. Looks like you have already done a great deal of introspection and have learned some very valuable things about yourself. Congrats. One thing I struggle with is that I seem to enjoy beating myself up. I become aware of my flaws and mistakes, and then really castigate myself and blame myself for EVERYTHING going wrong in the M. I am now trying to be easier on myself. Everyone has flaws and makes mistakes, we are all on a journey of improvement. I am where I am and I am doing the best I can and transforming as fast as I can. I like to imagine God telling me "I am happy with where you are, you are right on time in my book."