Well I am eating my words that I wouldn't bother you again. I wanted to respond to this:
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I think the REAL issue for me is I'm FREAKING OUT and all my control stuff is coming up. I feel like a little animal that's sliding down a greased funnel, and I'm just doing anything I can to hold on to the side, but there's nothing to hold on to, and it's getting tighter and tighter and...
And then it's so tight...I can't breathe. Know what I mean?
The real issue is IN you. It was there in your other relationships and before you met your ex-finance. And you will be this way with the next woman/relationship. You have to get mentally healthy before entering any relationship so this doesn't continue to play out.
Please hear what I am telling you. The answer is NOT your ex-finance. It is not getting her back. B/c it would not take care of the problem inside of you. You are seeing the solution to your problem is simply reconciling with her. That is not the solution for YOUR problem. Your problem goes much deeper. .
You need to see this is a cheese-less tunel and stop trying to dig further. Stop focusing on her. Focus on you and finding a therapist who will actually give you some solutions to help.
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Letting go is REALLY hard for us ACOA/Codependent/Marketing professionals.
SOOOOO.... when I feel that way (knowing I SHOULD let go, but knowing I CAN'T just yet), I come on here and try to look for SOME kind of answer. Some hint, some clue, some new marketing message, some relief from the pain of admitting it's really over since I can't do a DARN thing to alleviate her pain at this point.
Are you one of those salesman who keep pressuring the customer, not taking no for an answer......and they buy what you are selling just to get rid of you and make you STFU? If so, some of the stuff you've told us in the past kind of makes sense. Just based on the quote above, it sounds as if your personal life and business techniques have blurred together. You are persistent with her b/c that's how you've been trained at work. Don't take no, and just find a different approach......marketing angle to make your sale. In this case, you are trying to sell "you".
There are some people out there who really get turned off in a big way when it comes to marketing techniques with it's pretty packing, presentations, and all the relentless pressure.......I'm sure you are familiar with that sort of thing. And you know, some folks may cave under enough pressure and buy into whatever product you're pushing......but they don't stick with it. .
It's as if you are focused on making a sale. What technique can you try to get her to buy into it? I believe, based on things you have said here and in other threads, it's some psychological glitch you have. It's as if she was this huge client that you let slip through your fingers and you're desperately trying to retrieve that account you lost.
Don't use marketing techniques on her, okay? Leave it alone. Find help for yourself. Seriously.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
