Nitty in a Nutshell (Help! I'm in a nutshell!)

[Nitty]

Hi, Matt, HopeTex & Shakespr, thanks for the pep talks. We still do public appearances together but only for family events. He acts normal around me with family, but when the family leave, he turns on his heel and walks away and we are back to communication only by text, which is the way he wants it.

His family is very supportive of me, not so much of him, even though I always defend him. I never say anything but kind and loving things about him. They pat me on the head and tell me to wake up.

But lately I've not been thinking kind and loving things. I'm truly wondering why I'm holding on to him. Lately I'm not sure it's worth all the pain he puts me through. Lately I've been feeling angry, something I've not felt very often.

I GAL today, went boating with friends, had a great time trying water sports I never tried before, basically did stuff I never could do while living with Mr. Gritty because he only ever wanted to stay home or go to work.

And guess who, BTW, texted me as got into the car to drove home from the bay.

(To recap, I never responded to his last text about him not having time to fill out the D paperwork from our last mediation appointment. So unlike Nitty.)

Mr. Gritty: How are you doing?

I drove home before hit the reply button and responded with one of Starsky's lines I think I found in another thread... I can't remember.

Nitty: Thinking things through.

Mr. Gritty: Understandable. I'm too, I suppose. I haven't started the paperwork, tried this AM but went for a walk instead.

Okay. I'm thinking he's going to cancel our next mediation appointment, which would be a relief and an annoyance at the same time. On one hand, he's DIVORCING MY ASS but can't get his sh!t together to do the paperwork? On the other hand, it's a reprieve from D.

And whenever he texts me about going on walks, he's about to tell me he's been rethinking things. He always does this, in this format:

1. He tells me he's been rethinking things, makes nice.

2. He asks to see me, we get together and have a nice time. I get hopeful.

3a. Then he doesn't contact me for days... AND/OR

3b. He contacts me with a complaint, tries to argue with me altho I've gotten good at dodging bullets.

4. He accuses me of attacking him or hurting him and runs away all self-righteous and angry, only the last time he set the D in motion.

I didn't respond to this text. What can I say? I'm not sure what to do. Since our separation started, when he would dance close I'd always respond instantly. Now I don't expect anything other than the above. (If this is a bad response, somebody tell me.)

After a long bit of Nitty Silence, he wrote again.

Sorry. I am trying to not contact you except for needed stuff.

I'm going to bet myself one dollar that he cancels the next mediation appointment. Which would be good, I think. And yet that is probably me forming an expectation. Probably not good. Maybe he'll go through with it, anyway.