WAH - next chapter

[Maybell]

Pilot, that was great, thanks!!

[LisaB]

Hi DBers!
Just checking in, not much to report. Have been feeling quite positive overall in the past few days. WAH has been texting and calling just to ask random questions. I feel like he is coming up with excuses to communicate and offering to help me in small unnecessary ways. I have been trying to remain distant and mysterious without being rude. Basically I don't answer most texts right away, taking several hours to 24 to reply, or not responding at all if it is not important.

But best of all I feel better. My appetite is back, which is both positive and negative since I'd like to lose 10 pounds and I'm not as obsessed about what the WAH is doing.

Over the last few weeks I realized that I had a lot of gut instinct feelings that something was wrong in the relationship for a few months before BD. I found some journaling I did in January that basically predicted exactly what happened down to every last detail! Scary. At the same time BD was a huge surprise. Odd.

But now I have the gut instinct that he will try to come back. Not now, not tomorrow, but someday. I'm not sure if I will still be around, or if it would work out. I just have this gut feeling that although he says he is done, he is still on the fence and one day will realize he made a mistake. I honestly have no evidence that this is true but my gut instinct is often right. Anyone else have this experience? Or is it just denial?

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend. I'm trying to line up some dates thanks to pilot. haha.
Hugs, LisaB

[pilot]

Hi DBers!

But best of all I feel better. My appetite is back, which is both positive and negative since I'd like to lose 10 pounds and I'm not as obsessed about what the WAH is doing.

Over the last few weeks I realized that I had a lot of gut instinct feelings that something was wrong in the relationship for a few months before BD. I found some journaling I did in January that basically predicted exactly what happened down to every last detail! Scary. At the same time BD was a huge surprise. Odd.

But now I have the gut instinct that he will try to come back. Not now, not tomorrow, but someday. I'm not sure if I will still be around, or if it would work out. I just have this gut feeling that although he says he is done, he is still on the fence and one day will realize he made a mistake. I honestly have no evidence that this is true but my gut instinct is often right. Anyone else have this experience? Or is it just denial?

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend. I'm trying to line up some dates thanks to pilot. haha.
Hugs, LisaB

What you are experiencing is your confidence coming back. I have experienced this as well recently regarding my W and my situation. I am also fairly certain should my M end up in D, my wife will have regrets. My confidence comes from a history of nearly all my previous gfs tell me they wish we had stayed together. Her family tells her this, our mutual friends tell her this, and I am sure given her actions not matching her words, she has probably at least considered this. I know that even with all my faults, I stack up pretty well against the mob out there.

Getting that confidence back is key for you Lisa, in any relationship. If you do not have that sense of self worth, no one else is going to give it to you. Now get out there and break some hearts...especially the guy you gave a ring to.

[LisaB]

Hi Pilot, you are so great! Yeah that is true, my confidence is returning after that nice kick in the pants I got 2 months ago.

Maybe some of you are also experiencing that you feel better than you did before the BD? I needed a kick in the pants, and I even told WAH that. I was stuck in a boring and complacent place. The separation has been good for me, and could have been for us. But I don't think he has used the time in a helpful way since all he could think about was getting away from me and into the pants of his sexy coworker.

He has been calling and texting more today and wants to meet this week to give me some mail he has for me.

I hope I'm not falling into false hopes, but I just don't believe he is as done as he says. His behavior is somewhat contradicting his words. If he were a new guy I would be sure he liked me based on the amount of contact attempts he makes. I'm still playing it cool, not replying to everything. It may just be that cat and mouse game, but I'll do my very best to keep running from the cat as long as I can.

Pilot, I am looking for some hearts to break. All my single girlfriends and I are out prowling together as much as we can. It is fun! Look out guys...

Hugs, LisaB

[BigMac]

It is funny how separation actually improves a person if they take the time to work. How the dark times leading up to the WAW/WAH destroys your confidence and self image.

It is great how the process of DB'ing helps build yourself back up again. I can say for myself, even though times are really hard right now, even though my W is so far away and in an EA possibly PA, that I am better then I was before the split.

Taking the opportunity for self improvement is a huge thing. It is the hardest thing in life to have your sense of self split in two, but it can be the best thing int he long run.

[LisaB]

So true BigMac. I find that the 180s have helped me to see ways I could grow and change. GAL is no problem, I always have a super busy social life and lots of fun activities. But looking at things WAH criticized or that I didn't like about myself made me really think and want to change. And these changes or potential changes have given me a lot of excitement and confidence. That's why I say I am grateful for the kick in the pants WAH gave me. It made me wake up and see some areas in my life I was not happy with, some of them related to him!

Made a mistake earlier today. I have stopped spying for the most part and it helps so much with feeling better. But today I looked at his FB page and saw a bunch of things that made me feel horrible. Instantly I was no longer the confident person with the positive outlook. I see he has new "friends" who are obviously girls he is dating. And he is happily posting about how he has moved into a new house and that sort of thing. The OW/exOW and the new dates are liking all his posts and photos, and he is liking theirs. I did not need to see all that. It made me sick. (interestingly he is not liking anything I post)

So my DB friends, let that be a lesson to you. Don't spy! It just makes you feel bad. Even when you are feeling good!

Sigh.

Hugs, LisaB

[pilot]

Lisa think about it this way. How many lbh here are acting as if? How many H here are GAL and putting up a front that you know by reading their posts here are completely torn up inside. It is entirely possible what you see on his FB page is a fabrication or an attempt of his to convince himself and others his life is great.

Regardless of what he does do your own thing. Remember you both can walk into the same bar at the same time and he would have to work twice as hard to get half the attention you would.

Go get that attention. If he is the kind of person who posts that stuff on fb he will be the kind of person who will put value on you posting the same. Believe me he does not want to start a tit-for-tat on fb flirting with you because you would blow him out of the water

[2chiquitos]

Delete your FB account. Truth is, you will be too tempted to check up on him via social media if it's available. GET OFF IT ASAP!

[LisaB]

Thanks pilot and 2chiquitos.

In a way I know he is just trying to seem cool on facebook, and get attention. Maybe even from me. But it still made me sick to see it.

2chiquitos, I hid his posts a long time ago so I have to actually visit his profile on purpose to see his stuff. I can't delete my social media accounts, basically they are part of my job and I need to have those accounts. Plus if I delete them or him now, everyone will know or suspect why and it is just another way I will look sad, angry, hurt, weak, pathetic, still in love. Better that I can maintain a veneer of being fine and moving on. But I definitely get why a lot of people would do it.

Sadly now I just have to be strong and not look at his page because it will upset me.

Another funny thing, he has been messaging and calling quite a bit in the last several days. He messaged with a few questions and I was too busy to reply. When I finally did reply he didn't respond but I can see that he is online, saw my messages, etc. This may be a huge leap but I feel that he is mad that I have been slow in responding to him and now he is trying to do the same. Of course I don't really care that he is being slow to reply. But it does seem he is trying to play a game now. He did this before when he felt hurt. I find it funny.

In my heart I know he is confused and sad but sometimes it is easy to get caught up in believing the image he is projecting that he is doing great and is happier without me.

Hugs, LisaB