WAWs or Wayward M: How to SHOW change is afoot?

[sandi2]

Ok, got it. So you still haven't let it go, apparently. You want a formula and everyone who posted has told you the only thing that has a chance in hades of working. You just won't accept that NC means NC! Detaching, dropping the rope, going dark........all those are not to do for a few days, weeks, or even months.....just to return in pursuing her. It doesn't change......ever, unless or until she goes to you and wants to revive the relationship. You say none of it worked b/c you tried it. The point is not to "try" it out. In your case, you have to live it. I know you don't want to accept it and you want to see something she said as some sign she may be warming to you.....but it's just not. You want to believe she still loves you. I only know she made a decision to end it, based on something more. So now, you need to move on. If she ever changes her mind, she will contact you.

You want to hear from more men and specifically those who have been in the exact stitch as you. I don't know that there are any here who have been in that exact stitch. Maybe there has been in the past, however, I doubt they stayed behind, IDK.

You have had several women, as well as men, to tell you to leave her alone. Stop pursuing. If you cannot do that ONE thing we have all told you.......why do you keep expecting more? We ARE telling you what works.

You are wanting those who had A's to tell what we did to mend the MR and show our S we are sincerly working in the R. What step we took to prove ourselves, make the R better, etc., etc. (Sorry, can't remember you exact wording). Here's the thing, after the A ends and the wayward person gets their act together......it really is up to the faithful S if they want to continue the M or not. The faithful S has a choice to give the wayward S another chance or not. Although the majority of people here on the board are or were a LBS who wanted to reconcile the M.........everyone doesn't feel that way. I doubt you find LBS here who do not want to R their M, b/c this isn't the place for them. Know what I mean?

If the faithful S makes it clear to the wayward S they are done.....and divorces them....that's it! The wayward S has to accept the decision of the faithful S, even if wayward is so sorrowful over the A and would do ANYTHING to make it up to the faithful one. (sound familiar?) To be blunt, your finance divorced you! For her, it is over. She is done. There is no more relationship. We cannot make another person love & want us back. Sorry, we just can't.

Here is all you can do. Leave her completely alone. No type of contact......ever. Learn from the painful experiences you have had in your relationships. Get therapy, take classes that have been recommended. Work on yourself to be a better, stronger, individual who is not co-dependent on relationships. Learn how to let go of what you cannot have....or have been denied. Move forward in your life. Find how to be happy apart from a relationship with some person.

There is no magic. Hate to break it to you, but that's the real world.

I won't bother you again. I wish you well.