Watto, yes that text was just inviting him to eat cake.... (and I should know I let h do it for a long time)
It is much easier said than done and MUCH easier to see in other people's situations than when you are emotionally involved with your own..... I had a very hard time between saying "no make believe happy family time" and letting it happen for the kids and thinking it would eventually make OW go bonkers.
It never did make OW go bonkers, actually she was always just fine with it and questioned H when he didn't do that kind of stuff.... SO, I guess what I am saying is (again I know hard as he'll) a firmer/we are not friends stance is needed.
It needs to be clear you will not be waiting for him on days he wants you and go away on days he doesn't. Be the door, not the door mat!!
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Thanks twinmom, yeah, I saw the cake eating thing too, but I guess tried to ignore it.
how do I then extricate myself, for example, on Monday (which us today) I have the boys even if it's h time as he works full time, yes part of the reason I do it us to see h, but the 90% is for the boys so they're not getting shunted around from babysitter to babysitter, and I get to take to play group, unless I do the playgroup thing in the morning, and then let h work what he does with them in the afternoon. same goes on Wednesday, they go to swimming in the morning, so I have them all day again, and it's 'family night' on Wednesday too. I don't know how to stop doing these things without upsetting the kids, and h.
He didn't care that ow would upset you did he? Right?
Maybe dinner out somewhere for him and the boys, not you. Sick friend life activity who cares pick something. Let him take the children but that doesn't include you. Simple
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I know I shouldn't gg, and I'm doing my best to think just that! family night is still on as a request from s7, so it stays...
Mondays and Wednesday stays as is with the twins, and all other things are on the back burner. I told h tonight next Thursday when is my turn to take s7 to karate, I'm taking him out for dinner and video games! h can deal with the twins all by himself, just like I do, and I can't wait to go on a dinner date with s7, he's pretty excited
What is your life going to look like after the divorce is final? Try and make it look like that now.
You can be "daycare" on H's days but just be that and nothing more. Watch the kids while he is at work and as soon as he is off you are gone/he picks then up whatever it may be.
Unless you can handle family night and are willing to do this forever I would slowly cut that out. It's not just for s7 it's a huge cake eating opportunity. My H wanted me to be his best friend (nothing sexual) while he was living with her, then wanted "comfort affection" when she kicked him out. It wasn't till I went almost completely dark that life started slapping him in the face and I am seeing some changes.
Think about it, have you done 180's and he has seen the new you? If so than its time to make him miss the new you.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Thanks twinmom, I haven't thought about what life would be like when the divorce is final because honestly I don't want that to happen, and I know that is burying my head in the sand but I think I should give it thought.
family night is a tough one, I can see exactly what you're saying, and I have often thought of this myself, it's the one thing that h has stuck to and was his suggestion, so there is a part of me that wants to make him stick to it.
I have done a lot of 180s, and as a whole, I feel great for it, and I know that h is noticing, I also know that I am no longer the source of his angst or stress, ow and her friends are doing that for him. I had actually just been talking to my best friend yesterday and she said too, that Mondays and Wednesdays are the perfect time to show him (in the brief time he sees me) my changes. and then as little contact as shared custody of the boys will allow.
Thanks gg, definite food for thought, and I am working at extracting myself and parts of our r, while still maintaining structure and consistency for the boys as the councilor recommended....sigh, what a balancing act.
on a plus side, I didn't exactly gal today but I did get my car booked in for a service, and spoke to the panel boaters about getting the word taken off my door, I did a few clients, dropped the boys off at H's and came home, so good day for me
