I know I'm coming late to the posts. It's tough when people tell you to "move on." I thought I would share this with you. A friend sent me this:
To all the well-meaning people who think they are doing me a favor by telling me to “move on” and “get a divorce” I say:
Unless you plan to make the same vows as my spouse--stop helping me destroy my marriage. I don’t care how much I try to bring you into my marital arguments—don’t do it.
The only time you're allowed to give input into my marriage is if it's positive.
Why don’t you recognize my immature, self-centered, childish behavior for what it is?
What do you hope to accomplish when you agree with me when I am telling you how much I look forward to destroying my relationship with my spouse? Do we think this makes you a good friend? A better family member?
Have you ever met anyone who needed help when it came to disliking someone?
You may think you are supportive but all I see a gleeful participant helping me trash the person who promised to live with me “until death do we part.”
Is it because my spouse is difficult to live with? Yeah I know. I’m perfect. I’m so perfect I’m trashing my spouse to you. You’re so perfect you are listening. Based on my behavior why do you think I “deserve better?”
Before you actively participate in the destruction of my marriage by telling me to “move on” because I “deserve better” ask yourself this:
Would you be married to this me—as is? When I say “as is” I mean exactly as I am right now. You can’t change a single thing about me. Not my looks. Not my laugh. Not my attitude. Nothing. Not a single thing.
Am I THAT wonderful?
Because this is the person my spouse is married to right now. My spouse sees me as I really am—warts and all. And still loves me—warts and all.
People are challenging. And they are more challenging when you live with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you don’t think you could live with me 100% exactly the way I am without changing a single thing then STOP right where you are. Why are you helping me destroy my marriage? What makes you think I am better off without my spouse--who loves me despite my warts?
Too often we think the people we love are in terrible relationships because we see their pain. We help them wallow in it.
Instead of allowing them to wallow we should remind them they are lucky to have found love. We should help them keep it.
So the next time you are tempted to tell someone to “move on” and “get a divorce” because they “deserve better” stop--remind them about how wonderful their spouse is and ask what you can do to help their marriage succeed. Become their marriage’s biggest advocate.
