Well, didn't take long for W to go back to her old self!
W texts this morning. Said she read the notice and asks me for a copy of 2012 return so she can send it in. We spoke last night and I explained to her that it was already done, that I had worked hard to give them everything they wanted from 2008 until now. She said she understood. So, this morning she decides to just forget everything we talked about last night and ask me to make copies. It's like we never spoke, or worse, she doesn't trust me to take care of it. So, I text her that I already sent everything and I also get notices asking for stuff that I already sent but that I was told to ignore redundant notices. I ask her what the notice ID was. She sends a terse text with the ID. I tell her that it matches one I had already taken care of and if it would make her feel better, I would call and ask about notices sent to her as well as me. So, what do I get back from her? NOTHING. No response at all. Here I've spent so much time and effort on this, she said to me just last night that she was glad I had taken care of it because she had no idea where to even start getting the info and now she wants to get in the middle.
It doesn't help that the IRS is so screwed up that they are sending notices about stuff that already has been done but that's the gov't for you. What I don't get is how she can go from being so OK last night about this to now acting like we never spoke. I should have known the crazy would come back out to play. I'm willing to bet she spoke to her father (she talks to him every Sunday morning) and he told her not to trust me. That would be just like him. He loves to stir up trouble. The bad part here is that if she starts getting involved in this it can cause problems. I have enough to worry about with this, the last thing I need is my W getting involved and messing things up.
The least she could do is text back. See, this is one of the reasons I wanted to take care of this. My W can't handle this kind of thing. She will stress out about it. She will worry and worry and come up with ways that I am to blame. She won't do anything to help, she'll just find ways to make the process even more stressful than it already is. If this was happening before she left, she would be spending more energy worrying and stressing and complaining and doing NOTHING to help the situation at all. That is something I will not miss about her. She just has such a hard time coping with stressful things. Umm....isn't that what they say about people who have MLC's, that they have poor "coping" skills? Well, that describes my W perfectly. In fact, I don't think she has "poor" coping skills, I think she has ZERO coping skills!
So, I will now have to spend an hour on the phone just waiting to talk to someone at the IRS just because my W is too worried and won't just let me handle something that she has no idea how to handle. I should have known that she would worry and worry and start to spin. One good thing that I can see from this is that I now really see how whenever we had problems over the years, all my W would do is worry and complain while I was always the one who had to take care of things. She was never able to even help a little as she would just get stressed out and I would have to remain calm and take care of the problem. I allowed this to happen, of course. I was the "man", I was supposed to be the rock that took care of things. Yeah, right. If I ever have another R or M with someone else, I will no longer allow this. I want someone who is a partner and who will at least help when problems come up, not just make things worse by stressing and worrying and complaining. I'm seeing more and more how much I "settled" over the last 21 years. How I allowed myself to see only the good things about my W. How for most of our M, she made life harder, not better. Especially after her depression. Looking back I now see clearly how her inability to cope hurt all of us. It had much to do with my oldest D's "rebellious" years. Because I was always the one who had to deal with things, it held me back in my work (can't do my best when I had to always be taking care of everything), in my social life, in everything.
As I detach, things become clearer. No more putting W on a pedestal and seeing only the good. She is going to regret losing me. I can see this more and more. But I also see that I really was a good H. I tried so hard to be the best I could. I made many mistakes for sure but I also see that a lot of those mistakes were because of the stress of always having to be responsible. Because of the stress of having problem after problem laid on my shoulders because she couldn't face them. I will never go back to living like that.
Oh, well. At least I had one nice convo. with my soon to be ex wife! Oh, almost forgot...my BIL in another state has called me and left a message to call him. He is the family "scape goat", the bad one and is always in trouble with drugs or drinking. My FIL has disowned him and my W since reconnecting with her father has had the same attitude about him. When he heard about his dad having his cancer come back, he called to tell him how sorry he was and to see if he needed anything, etc. My FIL refused to speak to him and said to my W how he wishes he would just disappear from his life! Nice guy my FIL. I wonder what he is wanting? I haven't called him back yet as I don't see any good from talking to him as we hardly know each other. At the same time, I guess I should just to see what it is he wants. Not sure what to do there.
