DBing Again -- Need Support Now

[Two Sided Coin]

Hello, all. I was here a while ago and DBed with success, and I'm sorry to say I'm back here again. It's been a while, and I hope to be able to turn things around again.

Two weeks ago my committed boyfriend of 8 years came home from work and -- out of the blue -- told me, in a rush: "we need to talk; I'm ending our relationship".

All the typical BS happened from there - no, there was no other woman, but he knew things wouldn't change between us, and he isn't happy and so he wants out, we're basically only roommates anyway, and he's moving on, so on and so forth.

The next day I did a boo boo and snooped on his computer; bad, I know, but I was in a raw place. I found a video and some pictures of him cheating on me (with a friend of his sister's). When confronted, he admitted to it but claimed the affair was "over almost a year ago" and that they weren't still seeing each other. The time stamps on the video (taken with his phone and downloaded to his computer) confirm that and he's not really a liar except by omission, so I don't disbelieve the claim.

Obviously this was devastating to me, but I love him and I'm committed to our relationship and trying to make this work. That brings me to a place of DBing.

Of course all our problems weren't just MY fault, but I take personal responsibility in two ways: I am an internet addict and had hormonal issues that caused me to spiral out of a connection with him and pay more attention to the internet than anything else in my life, period. I went on anti-depressants for the hormonal issue a few months ago(which really helped!), but the neglect and lack of anything resembling couple-hood really took a toll on us both and it took him leaving to snap me out of my fog. We were rarely sexually intimate, rarely spent time together doing things. He's a very "attention" oriented person and I know the lack of his needs being met are what got him to this point of "it won't change, I'm done".

Right now we're living in the same house because our landlord won't let me out of the lease - I have the bedroom and he's got the couch. My plan is to give this until October when the lease is due to be renewed, and if he's still staunchly "No, I'm done", then I'm going to move into my mother's house. At that point I'll feel like I tried to fix us, and I'm not re-signing the lease with our relationship on the outs. He thinks he can handle the bills plus rent on his own, which is laughable, but this is the mess he's made, so that's his problem and I'm not concerned with that.


So, I started my 180s:

- acting happy and like I'm moving forward with or without him, but not over-doing it.

- Getting into an internet addicts anonymous program and limiting my time online. I have a very structured plan and I'm doing AMAZING with it, if I do say so myself.

- GAL-ing, and getting out and doing things. Fairs, markets, car shows, geocaching....reminding myself of the things I used to love to do and enjoying them again. No more sitting around the house on the computer and rotting in the same chair. Friday night I didn't come home (spent the night at my mom's, but he doesn't know that!), which is VERY unlike me.

- Getting movies and watching them on the couch at night (instead of coming home from work and burying my head in online games), because he used to do that and invite me to watch and I'd always say I was tired and turn him down in favor of mindless internet crap.

- I'm also texting him, which I know is supposed to be a "no no" but it's a 180 for me. We used to communicate through out the day when things were good and then we stopped when stuff got bad, so I just text little funny images, or anecdotes about work, and let him set the tone for if I reply and when. So far he's responded favorably to that, and chats back very friendly, so I think this is okay if I keep it light and non-relationship oriented.

My only issue is that he's very stoic with his emotions and keeps his cards to his chest, so I don't know how to read him to know if/when my changes are making any kind of a dent. I'm also impatient and anxious by nature, so I need to make sure I'm not my own worst enemy, here, with a combination of it all.

Annnnd other than my whole back-story spiel, I'm on the same roller coaster ride the rest of you are. Trying to work on me in order to salvage a relationship I very much don't want to lose.

Peace and love!