Finding my way - part 4

[Meghan]

That was a rough morning, but I decided to GAL and take care of myself and I'm feeling a good deal better. I had a phone call with my parents and tea with a friend before settling in to get some work done and apply for a few side jobs, just in case, and actually taking some steps left me feeling a good bit more in control of the situation.

Talking it over with a friend also helped me to remember that as much as I might miss specific things about H. right now, there's a lot that would have to change for us to have a chance at making it work. To be honest, I don't even know if we have a shot right now, but that might be the feelings of pain and loss talking. It all feels very definite and no contact is hard sometimes, particularly when I realise that he's in a different country, has no reason to contact me, and seems to think that this isn't fixable.

I plan to spend the rest of the day doing a bit more work, tidying and making the apartment mine, and then getting out for a games night. It's hard to do things right now, especially when I feel like I might cry at any second, but I think it's important to get out and do things, so I'm going to give it a go.