1st post. Long but please read, help!

[Zues126]

Thanks SS. It's SO confusing. Through my life I've been out of touch with my emotions and have lived in my mind, this has both distorted my reality AND made it hard to make good choices when it's too complicated to analyze.

For example. I am addicted to fantasy. I have unrealistic expectations, and feel devastated when reality doesn't meet those needs. And I have voids in my heart stemming from neglecting my own real emotions, and failing to take care of myself.

On the other hand, some needs are reasonable. My DB coach told me it's reasonable to expect to feel appreciated, desired, and significant. Those needs might have to be met in ways other than how I expect them to be. But that once those needs were met I might find I could live without the other stuff in my mind.

My STBX might have dismissed even my basic needs because the ways I expected them fulfilled were so crazy she was able to dismiss them out of hand.

So on the one hand I have to take care of myself, and if I am in an R I need my partner to validate and attend to those basic needs. On the other I have to live in reality and understand I will always have days I feel sad, down, neglected, unappreciated, and that I have to learn to live with that to some extent.

Then again, the idea that I'll be able to learn how to do all of this and find a meaningful and enjoyable R seems like a fantasy of it's own sometimes.

See why I say this is confusing? Good thing I have the gift of time!