The Amoeba Whisperer: "It's All Dog Training!"

[GoatGal]

Wonka: "The only problem I have with your list is this:"

Originally Posted By: LoopyGGG
THEORETICAL CONVO COMEBACKS:
If H says:"But I want to start dating and that means I have to be gone more"
I Might Say: "Dating. Hmmm... I don't think it would be appropriate for me to date anyone now, but I can see why you might feel that way. This is a lonely time for us both. If it's important to you, we can work that in." (Ugh. But OK...)

Wonka: "Knowing you from here, I think you really don't want to be in an open M. It doesn't line up with your core values. Why would you even say that ^^??!"

Ahhhh!!! There's the rub.
I don't want him dating, I think it's disrespectful, even ridiculous.
He has nothing to offer anyone emotionally, he has Hep-C, not to mention a wife who is supposed to take care of things while he goes on these "dates".
But it's not for me to say, is it?

He believes he is "single" in the sense that we are "separated" and he has filed for divorce.
He can tell any prospective date/victim that I am holding things up, that he should have been divorced already...
He can paint me as a shrew.

Because, if he told the truth--as in:
I cheated on my wife and treated her like dirt.
I have a lot of issues you might want to know about so you can avoid me, but I'll just omit these little facts...
No one would come near him!

But I thought I was supposed to "validate", etc. and not give him reason to dig his feet in deeper on the issue.
Me trying to put my foot down is likely to have the opposite effect.

If I say--"Heck yeah! Get out there and grab all the gusto you can! ENJOY!!!" That kind of takes a bit of the fun out of doing it to get at me anyway.

After all, if he feels he is ready to "date" while he doesn't live here, there is not much I can do about it.
In his mind, our M is OVER. I guess.
All I can do is be the better fish (MERMAID???) than whatever surfaces in the shallow end of his tiny, stagnant, algae-clogged dating pool.
After all, isn't that where one-celled organisms thrive???
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I was only thinking about trying to work out a compromise and removing resistance to his helping around here more.

If he says the reason he can't be around more to help is because he wants to "date", then who am I to say otherwise?

Now--if he wants to live under the same roof, that's a totally different story.

Absolutely no third parties--EA or PA. Nada. Zip. Deal-breaker and he's out.

Does that make sense? I don't know if it's right or not, but I don't think I can enforce "no dating" can I?

Maybe I can amend that statement to:
"I disagree that dating is a good thing to be doing right now, but you are free to make your own (stupid, selfish), decisions."
Something more like that.

I really want to say:
"Just don't dump more work on ME so you can go out and try and find my replacement!!!"

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Originally Posted By: GGG
If H Says: "Do you want me to move into the basement?" (Likely how he'd phrase it if he mentioned it.)
I Might Say: "I have thought about that a lot and it is a possible solution. If that's something we want to consider, we should talk about it more another time after we think about what that might look like."

Wonka: "Why put it off for another time? This would be a good opportunity to put it on the table and discuss this option together. Doncha think so?"

I agree on the one hand that perhaps it's best to strike when the iron is hot.

But I was also thinking about what you and Cadet said about "less is more" and don't overload him with too much at once.

Plus, it will lead into a very delicate discussion that IS about the R, and I don't know if I could carry all that off in one convo.

But to amend it, I could say something like:
"I've thought about that too as a possible solution, but I have to make sure that it would be a healthy situation for me to be in.
It's easier to tolerate what you are doing if you are not living here.
I don't think I would be comfortable with you behaving as though you were single while we are still married."

How's that?

Clearly, I'm going to have more time to prepare for this talk, so...

---GGG