I felt God validating the choices I've made in recent years...up until things unraveled with the tutoring this past June.
As we were talking about D11's changes, the topic of evangelical ministers came up...my uncle is a minister...anyway, I mentioned how I have a hard time reconciling some of these ministers like T.D. Jakes and Joyce Meyer with the tremendous wealth they have...
So, my niece, my sis's oldest daughter...who I've always believed to have Asperger's chimes in how she loves Mother Teresa...Well, my niece is lovely and bright and usually says things like this to impress people...she is 13 and feels she HAS to hate normal teenage stuff...I see myself in her. She can't give into fun and silliness and has to be PERFECT at all times. She has really struggled accepting herself and feeling safe in her own skin...
Anyway, another one of God's moments of validation. I, recently, have read a lot about Mother Teresa and read/listened to her message. She was really aghast at how little time we, in the West, give our children. She was someone who deeply believed that spending more time with our kids was vital to making the world a better place. This is exactly what I've been battered over in my family. Everyone...from Smokey to sis, mom, dad, inlaws, etc..They disagree and feel the income is more important that time together. I feel the opposite...I feel time should be the priority...at least as high as money...especially when kids are struggling...
Not that my sis is wrong in her choices...I get it...but, I did it different and that's ok. Her kids have more things, my kids have more ME. But, in that moment when the Mother Teresa came up...I felt validated. I didn't bring anything up, didn't debate...just felt, inside, validated by God that I had made the right decisions for ME and MY KIDS for the moment I was in...And, NOW, the moment has changed and God has given me the Go Ahead to do things differently.
Also, I cleaned out my email last night...long story...but, OMG. If you ever want to see your journey, up close and personal, clean out your email. HOLY SHID!! The stuff I've handled in the last six months!!!! No EFFIN WONDER I'm Mr. Universe Strong and DIFFERENT...
Last six months
Child Support Enforcement Letter to Inlaws INADEQUATE Support payments Mortgage Company calls to say they haven't received three months of payments from Smokey D20 gets pneumonia I'm broke I'm broke I'm broke Difficult/CRAZY students/families Get an attorney Smokey gets an attorney Inlaws spread rumors about me and girls Accept award for 96--year-old grandma in room of 500 people Market business Market writing Explore career options Find job Craft resume, send resume to 60+? places Explore moving Handle Smokey telling me he won't parent D20 financially or otherwise in any way, shape or form Get car fixed Face myself, my grief, my abandonment from my dad, grandpa and husband Come to grips with leaving this man for good and beginning visualizing a life without him in it...off and on
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
