What I can offer her in the way of safety is 130 days of sexual sobriety [how is that going to help her feel safe?! Maybe I misunderstood how sexual soberiety works. To me, being faithful is the number one key to the spouse feeling safe. Sexual soberiety isn't going to achieve this as faithfulness is a core value in a person.], a solid program with my sponsor, a deeper relationship with the integrous men [Uh? What did you mean by intergous? Did you mean men with integrity? Is that what you meant here?]in my life, a cleaning house of all the "morally ambiguous" friends I had (bad influences), getting rid of my apartment [how would jettisoning your apt make her feel safe? I'm not seeing the connection here.], getting a fulltime job (less free time during the day which is when the affair happened), and an on going regular practice of meditation, therapy, and gratitude journaling.
