Ready!!! Confuse Theeeeeeeeeeeee....(Pause)...CAT!

[LoisB]

Mom tells D20 how she is sooooo disappointed in me and how I treated my sister. Hmmmmm...The pieces to the puzzle are beginning to fit together.

Brother doesn't mention the phone call from my mom but I do mention, to HIM, that mom is upset with me and I say that I feel mom stirs the pot. Bro steps away from me. I think he is like me...he just removes himself from the drama in order to protect himself...but, I think he believes I am a part of the drama. I hate that...But, I get it. My life really is a Spanish Soap Opera right now and...he and his wife are pregnant with their first baby and his life is really settled.

He also mentions how he has spent three of the last four weekends at my dad's and that hurts a little...but, I get it. My dad just doesn't invite us like he used to. There is a reality that people see my life as a Spanish Soap Opera and stay away. I think it's a bit unfair, but I know that they don't get this...and, honestly, I'm not sure I want my baby bro to EVER truly understand this because that would mean he would have to experience it himself.

A part of this journey...on these boards...is just so WACKADOO...it's really hard to understand how we the LBS is an innocent bystander. Five years ago, if someone were to tell me the details of my situation...I would probably ask myself, "What is SHE doing to create to the INSANITY? She HAS to be JUST AS CRA-CRA as Smokey is?"

I get it. But, yesterday, the difference was that I didn't allow the shame of it all to influence how I acted around everyone. I gave MYSELF credit for what I've survived...whether they understood or not.