The Amoeba Whisperer: "It's All Dog Training!"

[GoatGal]

Thanks, Everyone, for your support.
Could be that nothing happens, but I want all those little duckies in a row.

Here's the speech:

1. "Gubu, I was at the doc the other day and he had concerns about my overall health; that I am run down and too isolated from other people.

2. There are some things I need to change in order to be healthier and I was hoping you could help me with that."

------------------------

3. "I need to be less overwhelmed with my responsibilities here, it's too much to continue as I have been."

4. "I am open to whatever thoughts you have about we can accomplish that."

(This is very succinct for me! )
-----------------------------------

Then wait to see what he says....

Comebacks:

H: "Well, what do YOU want to do?"
Me: "We could hire someone, you could agree to help out more, we could re-home some of the animals....do you have any ideas? "

Listen and Validate!

H: Complains about him "needing a social life too!!!"
Me: "I agree, having a social life IS important. How can we both get our needs met while taking some of the load off?"

H: "Do you want me to move into the basement?" (Likely how he'd phrase it if he mentioned it.)
Me: "I have thought about that a lot and it is a possible solution. If that's something we want to consider, we should talk about it more another time after we think about what that might look like."

H:"But I want to start dating and that means I have to be gone more"
Me: "Dating. Hmmm... I don't think it would be appropriate for me to date anyone now, but I can see why you might feel that way. This is a lonely time for us both. If it's important to you, we can work that in." (Ugh. But OK...)

H: " What is it that you really need from me?"
Me:
1. "Maybe one night a week be available longer to do some bathing, trim nails, grooming, feed the dogs, do medications."

2. "Do some chores around the house/property during the week, or work on some projects to make the space more livable and safer for all of us."

3. "Coordinate socials plans with me ahead of time because it's hard for me to get out to be around people."

(Right now he's here about 20 minutes on 3 weeknights, and a few hours each Sat/Sun. So far. He stays here if I am out very late or overnight. Other than that, I'm going it alone the rest of the time.
I think it's reasonable to ask that he stays for an hour one night a week.
He runs here, does the bare minimum, and then I guess goes back to his friend's house, drinks and does stuff online. I get left here to do everything else. None of my business, other than he is dumping too much on me. This is just a little perspective....)


I hesitate to say "Think about this and get back to me..." because, historically, he'd say "Sure." and then never mention it again.

So I'll ask: "Do you want to think about this more and talk another time?"
And then AGREE on a TIME and PLACE to finish the discussion.
-----------------------------------

I'm going to try to keep it short and sweet.

Speak softly. Really listen to him.
Use less words.

Allow him the freedom to feel what he feels... validate, validate....
------------
If I get stuck somewhere, I'll just use the old standbys:

"Hmmmm... I really need to think about that some more...."

"Sounds like we both have some decisions to make...."

"I hadn't thought of it that way. Can we discuss it more at another time?"

"I didn't realize..."

And I am going to write down some validations from the handy cheat sheet provided here...


Wish me luck!

I'll be back on later...

(I have this picture in my head: Me saying "Hold that thought, GUBU, I have to consult my DBing pals!!! )


---GGG