DBing after WAW then reactive EA by me...NO QUIT!

[Spacey]

I really don't think I'm depressed. I may have been for a while before the BD. I feel pretty good about life. I'm hopeful for my situation, but I know that I will make the best of my life no matter what happens.

Obviously, nobody here can diagnose you, but do keep an eye on your mood, and remember that depression isn't the same as sadness. You can feel happy while depressed, it's just muted. I only bring this up because a lot of what you've said -- making excuses for not being able to do things, for instance -- sounds like what I went through when I was battling depression. Obviously that's not an objective measuring stick.

When I say I'm not that outgoing, I don't mean that I'm not interesting or that I think badly of myself. What I mean is that I just don't enjoy being on the go a lot.

This might be one of those faking it things, then. Your wife has become abusive, and though she has seemed to calm down a bit, she's riding an emotional roller coaster, just like you are, I'm sure. You need to spend as much time outside of the house as you can, while not neglecting your duties to your household and your children. Maybe make a routine of going out for coffee by yourself every day. It will give you an hour or so to think, and to process, and it will give your wife some time with you out of the house every day. When things calm down more, who knows? Maybe she'll want to join you.

Sitting in a bedroom in the basement together, knowing that you're down there because of your separation is a bit heavy. There are a lot of ghosts in that room. Sitting at a cafe together? That's a much happier experience. Environment counts.

Getting involved in a soccer league, going to classes at the gym every morning, my kids activities, and back at work soon, plus staying up on all of the house and family day to day stuff that speaks my W's love language is a ton for me.

It's a lot for anybody, especially if many of those activities are new, and not firmly ingrained into your daily routine yet. It will become a lot less once they've become normalized, though.

And again, going out doesn't necessarily mean doing something active or busy. It just means doing something outside of the house. What do you do during your down time? Is it something you might be able to do at the library some of the time? If so, consider it. Don't think you need to start doing it right now. You don't need to start doing everything all at once! Just keep moving in that direction.