MY TRAGIC WAW STORY PART III

[pilot]

Ithurts, my 2 cents.

Whether or not she goes will have nothing to do with anything you do or say. She will make that decision on her own. So you have 2 choices. You can go NC as you said you are doing. Or you can keep 'dating' her.

Let's look at this through her eyes, not yours. You go NC. She is where she is now, and does not have you in her life. What does she have to stick around for? Being ignored by you? She will have a void in her life and heart. She will either go to FL and there is a possibility that void can be filled, as you stated you will be done. What would she have to come back to? She may feel she made a mistake moving to FL, but since you will not be talking to her, how would you know? You will live with emotions and uncertainties you have no control over at that point. You will have to move on, but you will never really let go because you yourself will always wonder what she is doing. And you cannot contact her because then you lose any credibility. Or she will stay, and have that same void. But she will be afraid to contact you because would be mad/hurt. And that void might just be filled with someone else local.

Or, you can keep 'dating' her. From her perspective, she has someone who she knows cares about her, and who is there for her. She has someone who she has fun times with. She knows going to FL she will miss that right away. She will miss that most in the first few weeks/months of being in FL because she will have no one. She will be calling and texting you frequently most likely and telling you how lonely she is and how she feels she made a mistake. Or maybe she will get there and tell you how wonderful it is and how this move filled the void in her life and she feels she can truly be happy. At that point, you have lost nothing you would not have already lost, but you will have peace of mind knowing what is going on.

I am learning right now that NC is great for getting a WAS out of the fog, or at least looking through the fog. Getting them out is just one step. Keeping them out is a whole ballgame unto itself. You have to give her a reason to stay. For all you know, she is 'asking' you to do this very thing, and you have not heard it. What is the worst that can happen if you keep dating her, EVEN if she ultimately moves to FL? If she stays? What is the best that can happen? What is the worst that can happen if you stay NC and she moves? If she stays? What do you think the best that can happen IF she caves to your demand and stays? Do you think in a year or two she might harbor some resentment? WAW II?

I know it opens your heart up to more hurt, but I would stick with dating her. Give her something to stay for. Give her something to smile about. Believe me, I am struggling with the very thing you are right now.

Best of luck to you.