1st post. Long but please read, help!

[Zues126]

OK. The dust has settled on the emails. It's a non-issue. Like many things I made a mountain out of a mole-hill. Tonight I am coming out with something else I need to. Many of you probably already knew this. But here it is...I have some type of sexual addiction.

I didn't really think so in the past. I mean, I knew I used porn, but thought that was normal, and that I was just a normal man. And I never went beyond porn, so I was able to minimize it in the sense I wasn't having serial affairs, etc. But porn was just a symptom. The real problem is objectifying women.

I thought stopping porn would help. I've read that after a period of time goes by it allows you to come out of that fog to some extent. And I'm only like 7 weeks out now. But still, I am combating not just 15 years of habits/images, but also many years of thoughts and outlooks that haven't done much to improve my life.

I don't want to objectify women. I see it's destructive, and not consistent at all with my core beliefs or anything else in my life. I just have never thought it was within my power to change. I have to challenge that idea though, because the consequences of not changing are just too destructive to me and those around me.

I've been reading up on a site called 'sexual control' that has a free book called 'The Most Personal Addiction'. I don't pretend I have it figured out, under control, and I'm not looking for pats on the back that I'm facing this. I'm just putting it out there so I don't sweep it back under the rug. I know it will be a long and difficult journey so I have to commit now to sticking it out or I'll never get anywhere.

No wonder there are so many people on these sites. It's HARD to walk a healthy path. I mean, I thought I was doing well because I didn't smoke, drink, do drugs, gamble, overeat, I held a good job, etc, etc. But it just seems like no matter how many things you do right there are so many pitfalls in life that if you have any voids in your heart something will ensnare you and tear your life apart. But enough being a victim. I have choices to make now. I will read some more, journal, and take another step.

Wishing you all good things with your own battles, healing, and growth.