Very paranoid or just cautious? I was never like this before H had the A. I totally trusted, never questioned. I wish I had questioned more, TBH.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
A lot of us have our stories of Life Before A(LBA) and Life After A (LAA). Our innocence is forever destroyed. Yup, I get that. However, I see a lot of positives in your situation.
-H likes your home cooking -H was chatty with you on text -H was warm toward you at the kiddo exchange
Focus on them!
As you said earlier, H is getting adjusted to his new role at work. It has only been 2 weeks now. I read that the average learning curve is 6 months. So try to be more supportive of H in his new job.
Sandi and Train, I believe, both have said that men desire affirmation and admiration. What have you done to show H them in small ways? Think about it, MDU.
Thanks Wonka, I will be sure to work on those things.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Chatted with H last night about kid exchange then got into some chit chat about his work. Things are kind of crazy there for him. I didn't say boo about OW
H picked up kids this am and ended up hanging around for ~30 minutes chatting some more. I told him about all the house stuff I'm taking care of, we talked about the weekend and just general chit chat. I sent him away with more zucchini brownies and offered him some leftover chicken parm to take which he said he would gladly but wasn't going back to his Dad's right away so couldn't right then.
In the midst of our chatting S7 says 'daddy, when are you going to come home?' H just smiled and said 'I don't know'.
Been checking the CC and finding no evidence of H with OW.
Overall had a great weekend with my brother, his wife and the kids. My brother in law came over Saturday am and helped me with a ton of yard work, was awesome!
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Also important to note. I definitely feel more and more like the person I want to be. There are so many things that I gave up on that I'm getting back into or on top of and it feels really great. I feel like I'm slowly starting to really 'get' the whole fundamental DB principle of working on yourself and becoming the person you were meant to be. I definitely lost myself somewhere along the way.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Chatted with H last night about kid exchange then got into some chit chat about his work. Things are kind of crazy there for him. I didn't say boo about OW
Attagirl, mdu. And don't think he didn't notice it!!!
I definitely sense warming from him. He's off with the kids this week, that's why he was at the house early today to pick them up, and he's already sent me some photos of them.
I wonder if there are other things I can do (besides cooking and chatting) to continue to influence things in a positive direction? Any one with ideas, please share!
One thing for certain is my mood and demeanor matters so, so much. I think he's been on guard for weeks, waiting for me to explode, but since I haven't maybe he's finally loosening up again a bit. And you know, I really *want* to be more of a positive person, I don't want to explode and live with lots of anger anymore. I want to be happier than I have been the last several years and tried to sweep under the rug and ignore.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Not sure when the opportunity will present itself, mdu (but I'm sure it will) . . . but I think your next huge "test" as it were with him will be when something highly controversial/upsettting DOES come up, and how you react to it.
If you think about it, you've avoided "going off" by pretty much avoiding the hot topics -- keeping it light and airy, as it were. At some point (and I'm NOT saying to go looking for it, but just let it happen naturally) an upsetting topic is going to come up -- like OW contact at his office or something -- and how you handle THAT, I think, it going to be a great opportunity for you to show your husband that he can trust you to work thru the difficult reconciliation phase with him.
I would just keep doing what you're doing, and be ready for that day -- practice it in your head. Calmly stating a boundary, but doing so without going off on him.
Thanks Starsky. That makes sense. H is pretty avoidant himself so I could be waiting around a while. But honestly, right now I feel pretty ok with that as I feel like I still have a lot to do to get my ducks in a row *if* we were to end up D anyway. Time is on my side.
Maybe I will post and practice some hypotheticals here when I have some time.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
