I Had Affair and Wife Wants Divorce (2)

[JFred]

Prior thread is here:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2474225&page=1

Divorce is moving forward. Attorneys are hashing out a couple small details, should be done in a couple weeks.

Passed the year mark on Aug 11th since we've been separated. It's been very hard lately.

W's aunt passed away a couple days ago...she let me know. She also let me know that a place we held dear to our hearts burnt down the other night up where her family's cottage is. it was sad to hear and we both teared up a little. She told me at work, so the conversation was brief.

Bond...I read in another post that you waited 4 years for your W. How did you do it for that long? I've passed the year mark and it's so very hard.

[MrBond]

"Bond...I read in another post that you waited 4 years for your W. How did you do it for that long? "

GAL. That and understanding that my W's struggle was her own and didn't take it personally.

[Maybell]

Bond, is your signature line up to date? I've read your account of your sitch but I had missed the four-year wait somehow.

[Maybell]

JFred, wanted to let you know I always keep an eye out for you and I hope you're starting to find ways to move forward in your life.

[Ss06]

Bond, is your signature line up to date? I've read your account of your sitch but I had missed the four-year wait somehow.

me too!

[MrBond]

Not sure what you mean by "missed". Even though it's not in my signature line, I've talked about it in-depth on many individuals' threads.

[Maybell]

MrBond, I think you're great, but sometimes I wish you were a bit less brusque.

I had somehow remembered that your situation took in the 2-year range rather than four. I've read quite a lot of threads and sometimes the details get confused. The ages of your daughters in your signature line confuse me wrt the amount of time your w was away and didn't quite tally with what I remembered of your experience.

JFred, sorry for the hijack.

[MrBond]

My apologies. I didn't mean to sound "brusque". Was there something about my timeline you wanted to know? I help ALOT of people on here and I usually don't have time to post long explanations for everyone.

It did take my W 3 to almost 4 years before she actually talked to me. She had totally shut herself down. Then after that, she gradually started coming out of the "fog". It was a very slow and gradual process which is why I hadn't detailed it in a thread.

[Maybell]

I was wondering if your daughters were the ages listed in your signature line now or if they were those ages during the time your wife was shut down. My kids are similar ages and I was wondering how all this felt to the kids? It seems like such a balancing act to me trying to provide stability to my kids and trying to stand for the marriage.

So sorry we're doing this exchange on your thread, JFred.

[MrBond]

My D's are currently 11 and 7. When my W decided she wanted a D, my youngest was barely 2.

To this day, my oldest has self-esteem issues and tends to be a little clingy as if she felt my W was going to leave again. Although we've re-assured her, that won't happen, that fear still is in there.

In fact, my W's father walked out on her and her mother when she was just 7. I mean walked out and never came back or contacted them. PERIOD. So when my W was having her A, one of the things she told me was that she had the A because sooner or later she "knew" I would cheat on her. How messed up is that? I can see the same potentially happening to my D in leaving a future relationship out of fear of being abandoned.

So even during our separation, I made she she understood that I (being the male figure) won't abandon her or her sister so she would have a strong male role model. Strong and stable.