DB, as far as your ex is concerned, you're not in limbo. She's made her position known, quite clearly. The only person keeping you in limbo is you. If you need to write her a letter letting her go, fine, but don't send it.
You can't "make" her feel heard and understood, especially if you keep violating her request that you stay away. Continuous contact will make her feel you think her needs are (still) less important than your needs and that you have no desire to understand (or respect) her.
Twice you've communicated with her in written form and once (that I'm aware of) encountered her in person. No "back and forth" has been maintained. You can't start one that she will continue.
Let me say that again. You CAN NOT -- as in, not capable, not able -- initiate a back and forth in which she can feel safe.
I have been married to my H for sixteen years. I desire reconciliation with him. But if we start one I will not feel safe with him till he's done a lot of work and shown a LOT of concern for my well-being.
You are not showing concern for her well-being. You have done only a few weeks work. And you don't have 16+ years of history for her to draw from to even imagine what safe would feel like with her.
What you do have is a history of having cheated on her for 75% of your relationship with her. And for the beginning 25% of your relationship with her you were caught twice communicating with your previous ex.
From her perspective, what could you possibly offer her in the way of safety? What reason would she have for entrusting her future children to you?
Write an entire misery memoir dedicated to her if you feel like it will help you heal. But don't think for one second that anything short of a full 180 in your treatment of her will ever get her to consider going back to you.
I'm not trying to be harsh. I'm kind of trying to save you from yourself.
Last edited by Maybell; 08/17/1412:46 AM.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
