I (once again) told W about my issues with Wednesday and also the timing on this one. We have been over this before on several occasions. She blamed me and told me that I never wanted to take the children to anything. This time I asked her why she says things like this since I do not recall stating this and that I have taken Ds to many things. I also had to state my boundaries once again – I need to get firmer on these
How did you word the boundary statement?
Was it Karate that your D enjoyed so much, or was it just another activity your W had enrolled her in? The reason I asked both of these questions is that you are wanting W to realize the affects of the divorce in the children, and at the same time it appears they are being yanked around from activity to activity b/c you want their Wednesdays to be free. (When you said you parents would have to find another activity for the kids to do, did you mean on Wednesdays?).
Now I am not suggesting you break your personal boundaries, but remember they are to protect you.....and not intended for the purposes of controlling her. And I am just needing a little refreshing about which boundary you were referring to, and why or how will you be "firmer"? Just a little confused how this relates to the Wednesday activities. However, I do remember the conversation about her not scheduling activities for the girls when she knows it will be on "your time" with them.
When you reacted with the "damn it" text, did she know you were not blaming her for the school rescheduling the Karate classes? Or did misunderstand and she was switching days b/c the school gym wasn't open on the usual days for Karate?
I really said all of that to tell you I am happy to hear that things seem to continue on a positive note between you and W. Where I usually have to remind the LBHS to be careful about certain issues for them, I feel that I need to remind you how you may need to make adjustments from time to time....according to the stage of the R. Make sense? That why I asked you in other posts if you really wanted to reconcile or not. Perhaps this is a completely different topic than what you are referencing about getting firmer with your boundary. I just wasn't sure.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
