Not sure what to do

[sandi2]

Thanks Bob, I believe I may be seeing things a little better. I post to a lot of people, so I hope you won't mind if I ask something that you have already stated.

I think you said things were fine until a couple of years ago, and that is when she started with the name calling and yelling. Does that timing fall in line with when she started being bullied by the coworker?

In some ways I can identify with her, if this is the case. I worked in a very close environment with a female coworker who bullied me for many years. The stress was unbelievable. I would go home and unleash my frustrations (partly) and I know my H must have been sick of hearing about my job situation. I remember some some times I reacted in anger toward him, when in reality it wasn't him that was causing it.

I could be way off base here, but if the pressure from this bully is her true source of problems, then she is taking all that pent up frustration out on you. She must feel she either can't afford to put the bully in her place (for one or more reasons) or doesn't know what to do about it. Otherwise, why would she continue to stay in the situation? I know why I felt I had to stay in my situation, but if I had it to over.....I would handle things differently.

She feels under attack all day, then she comes home and attacks the one closest to her. And what did you do? When there is a communication problem then all kind of other problems develop.

Your W has been willing to see several counselors. She has begged for you to go home and commit to working together on the M. She even tried to get you to have sex with her. (Did you see making love would be rewarding her bad behavior too?) Can you see how this makes you look like the stubborn one, while she appears to be the willing one? You each have hurt the other one very deeply. I think both of you have contributed to the breakdown here.

It breaks your heart to D her? Then don't do it. Find a way to work this out together. Didn't she say something about learning her lesson......or similar words? Right now, it seems you are the one clinging to anger and stubbornness that is keeping this D from being busted!

You won't even consider the retreat 25yrs told you about b/c you think it would be rewarding her bad behavior. How many have you attended over the past two years? Have you ever been to this particular one, or received information on it? I'm sure 25yrs would be happy to tell you more about it.

I agree your W needs to make some changes, but so do you. Blaming each other is not going to cut it. Would you be willing to talk to a DB Coach or the two of you have a session with Michele?