Not sure what to do

[MrBond]

Since she doesn't react like that to anyone else, it's obvious it's how the two of you communicate. Can't you see that?

"I see it from her perspective. She is upset because I can't get over my hurt. It frustrates her. She believes my hurt feelings have destroyed our marriage."

And to a degree it has.

"I don't understand why we can't work together on a solution."

Because you keep seeing it as HER problem and that SHE needs to change. You can be the first one to change and things will get better. It's so obvious, but you don't seem to want to let go of the blame.