What is "Living Life to the Fullest", Alex? #7

[Georgiabelle]

After much deliberation, I filed yesterday. It doesn't make me happy. I still get sad although the moments of anger are rare. At this point, it feels like a necessary business decision. As some of the vets have pointed out and I recognize as well, my h has many issues. Some bigger than others. I'm utilizing this time to still work on me and make me the best I can be. I never dreamed my kids would grow up in a broken home although I realize they've been growing up with a broken dad. They always say to me ," but mommy our situation is do diffeent. You did t fight. Daddy just left." It's difficult for a grown up to understand so I can only imagine their confusion. I just remind then that he does love them and we can't put our lives on hold. I'm not quite ready to say I wish him well although I know I will get there. Door is cracked for R, although it is near unimagineble for me to ever hear my stbx utter the words "perhaps I played a role."

I used to read that 90% of Ms where one suffers from clinical depression end in D. Since both me and my stbx were raised in loving intact families, I never thought that to be a possibility. I had to google stuff about D because I knew nothing about it. I thought I will be a 10% er!!!! I'm not. I did t fail though. I can only do what I can. I don't envy stbx. I don't envy OW. I actually feel a bit of sadness for them both. However, that's their deal. He will be in my life to some degree until death so if I choose R, I have my entire life to have that opp. My focus is on me and the little peeps. I'm so fortunate to have them. My h used to say he didn't love them the way I do. It's not a contest by any stretch. However, he was probably honest and correct in his statement.

I'll stay on the high road. It's really the only road for me although I have been tempted to detour. I've had enough detours and I'm sure I'll have more. And that's perfectly fine. Life is short. One chapter ends and another begins. Onward and upwards.