mleigh - thanks again for the helpful advice. I hope I am starting to calm down somewhat from the spinning - I still swing from one thought process - just be done with it - to another - stand for however long it takes. But I am hoping that the distance between the two gets smaller and I eventually am settled with myself. Strange how we really do mirror what I have read about their journey too - I think we just are able to cope with it as we realize what it is. I have been in a better place for the past few days -i have actually seen him a little more too - but my anxiety with him around has subsided - for now. I have determined to try and let go of the anger and just treat him as a friend - unbelievably hard but I am trying. It seems to make him a little more comfortable too - he hangs around for just a few moments longer - no real reason - just lingering - the little boy lost thing again. He is outwardly depressed around me - I saw some when we were in the same house but now all I see is the depression - it hurts me to see him that way but I realize I can't help him - so I just leave it alone. I have seen an IC but it has been a while - she didn't understand the MLC stuff so I stopped going but now I think I will go and just work on finding my happiness/joy in life. That's really what it is all about anyway - right? Being the best we can be without any expectations from them and hope they become the best they can be in the end and you find one another again? This is extremely hard and I would never wish it on anyone but if it helps my H take a look within himself and let his true self out (because I believe it to be amazing) it would all be worth it. I know I have work on myself to do - no doubt - and I plan on coming out far ahead - this pushes you to really look inside yourself and make those changes just in order to live. I have always thought my H put on a "tough front" and felt he had to with his background - he never wanted to show his emotions - thought it was a weakness. I only hope that he will find peace within his true self and feel comfortable in his own skin when this is over.
