Heather - your family continue to take up a lot of your headspace for people who are giving back remarkably little that is positive.
Now, how are you going to handle the family day at your father's and why did you get into this?
I would strongly advise that you share a lot less with your family. If more people treated their family the way they treat other people, it might help. Family seem to think they can say things that they would not dream of saying to anyone else, ask intrusive questions and proffer advice.
Please try not to get defensive, don't share too much about what is going on, and generally act detached and happy. If someone says something inappropriate, don't get riled up - DB them. 'I am sorry you feel that way'
You are there because you have chosen to be - you are a grown up and can walk away from situations. You are not a scared little child with no-one to rescue you.
If the lions get hungry open the cage door and walk away. Just knowing you have that power help.
Your sister, your father, your mother are just other people. They do not rule the life of grown up Heather. Laugh at their antics - the Ferraris, the posturing, the need to scapegoat you instead of trying to help and support you. That is about their inadequacy, not yours.
If you and your eldest daughter can be complicit in their antics it might help you both not to get angry - think of it as something to laugh about later.
As for your sister - you are still trying to placate her. She has some fantasy of a r with you which does not correspond to her current reality. Maybe she needs to adjust her ideas of reality too!
