Doing all right

[BrightFuture]

Thanks Mighty and Bea. Well, I was not going to beat myself about the past, but I must have done some horrible things. H texted today that he transferred the money for the condo mortgage. It was a short version again, without addressing me or bothering to type the whole sentence: “Transferred XXXX to your account”, compared to “I transferred XXXX to your account yesterday” he sent last month or addressing me by the name before that. It is exactly one months since the last text. At least he is consistent with the money. I guess he doesn’t want to lose the condo, LOL.

I think I caught GGG’s bug... The text didn’t bother me much, but it made to start thinking… What did do so terrible that after two years he is still angry at me. I interpret it as him being angry at me. Would he treat a friend or a person who does favors for him like that? I don’t think so. He would be very polite and considerate. And he wanted to be friends with me. And I do favors for him, taking care of the mortgage payment, not kicking him to the curb, tolerating his Playboy coming to the house and sending it to him.

I’m not in any way pursuing him, or want something from him, or bothering him. I left him alone to do what he wants to do. I’m not making his life difficult. He chose it himself. It is not my fault that it is not working the way he expected it to. Or, is it my fault? Did I coerce him into marring me and then kept him in the marriage for 17 years, and now he has trouble finding a willing woman in a desired age bracket with whom he would have a harmonious relationship? He left to find a better life, a better partner and start the next phase of his life. Or, and to start fresh with somebody new.

I guess it is not happening. But, it is NOT my fault. Or, maybe it is… It is very difficult to find somebody with similar qualities, looks, compatibility, etc. at the bars. I guess dating sites are also not very good, because meeting new people requires some WORK.

So, here it goes. I was posting here that my H was nice and polite and not doing any crazy stuff like others. Did I jinx it? He is not doing crazy stuff, thank goodness. But, he is back to be mean and short with me. What did I do? Even if he thinks that I’ve moved on and don’t really want to hear from him, he still could be polite with me. After all, this is what he wanted. I could understand if he would be dumped by me and was hurting, so he would be angry with me. But, it just the opposite. He had no feelings for me, he was not happy and the whole thing was supposed to be over 2 years ago.

Like I said I’m not mad, I’m not spinning. Just thinking. I just don’t get it.