2.5 Months After D-day...and I wait

[DBinSF]

Ok, here's Take 2, after some detailed feedback from a friend who was betrayed by her BF a few years ago. It got longer somehow.

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Julia,

Thank you again for the kind email on my birthday. That really meant a lot to me. I remain amazed by your capacity for compassion and self-awareness. You are truly one-of-a-kind in that way.

I realize you are still very angry and hurt, and you have every reason to be. I betrayed you and deceived you in a way no one should ever have to endure. I’m also very sorry for my selfish inability to let go in the months after the breakup, for my glib attempts at playfulness, and for my complete lack of respect for your requests for space and time. I realize that I don’t get to ask anything of you anymore. Your pain is too great -- my actions too damaging. Working with Greg and others, I’ve come to understand the depth of the pain I have caused, and I understand that I have to accept your decision.

Please know I want nothing but happiness and love for you. Because of my love for you and full knowledge of the pain I have caused, I know I need to respect your decision and let you move on and seek a love you can believe in. I can think of no one more deserving of a healthy, nurturing family than you.

I’ve come to see that holding on to hope has actually also slowed down the pace of my growth and development as a man these last few months. I need to continue to work on healing the wounds that led me to causing the person I love most so much pain. I know if there is ANY chance at even a friendship between us in the future it will require a continued period of healing and growth for each of us.

At the end of the day, I know the man I am at my core is the man you fell in love with, but he’s been so afraid to come out – so afraid to let love in, as you said. I am learning to nurture and love him these days. While not a linear process, it is one I am committed to, for my sake but also for the sake of those I love and will love in the future. I’ve been told that the greatest amends I can make to you is to make sure I never engage in behavior like this again. I am 100% confident in my ability to do that. I never want to cause pain like this in someone I love ever again.

I don’t need to tell you how much I miss your laugh, your smile, your generous heart, your amazing competence, your thoughtfulness, your comfort in who you are, your ambition, your ability to rise above it all and maintain your sense of self. I’ve never met a woman like you, and I still believe we would be ideal life partners if I had done the work I’m doing now before we had ever met. Our connection is rare and it’s what I want in a life partnership.

Julia, please know that I love you and want nothing but the best for you. If you one day decide that a healthy me is what you want in your life, I would love to have that conversation. But if that day never comes, I wish you love, health, and happiness wherever your path may lead. I know whoever you choose as your life partner will be the luckiest guy in the world.

I do hope you realize this had nothing to do with anything lacking in you. I sincerely hope you can regain your ability to love and trust boldly again. You love with such zeal, generosity, and patience – I really hope you let the world know the gift of your love once again.

Always,
Me