Living with WAW who will not leave

[Casey]

Pilot,

I just went and read your entire thread. Good luck, it appears you have things well in control!

It is funny how you mention you were at the top of your game when you met your wife; I too was at the top of mine. I was just coming out of my first marriage which I had entered into for the wrong reasons; thankfully there had been no children involved. I was in the best shape in my life due to getting ready for Special Forces tryouts, I was learning to speak a second language (russian), I had started taking flight lessons which was something I had always wanted to do, and I was having my ego stroked daily by the attention of many available women including my future wife at my jobsite. She was by far the prettiest and most intelligent of the women I worked with; for that matter the prettiest woman I had ever met, and winning her affection did a tremendous boost to my self-confidence.

Fast forward several years, a change in service, a new child, and several bad financial moves which cost us an enormous amount of income and lost income, and my confidence was gone, my marriage on the rocks with my W having had an affair and planning to leave me. Even though we eventually reconciled, my mojo never returned and I realize that my lack of self confidence is a major turn-off.

I went from having an insecure wife who was extremely jealous and constantly worried that I would find someone else and leave to a W who is no longer afraid of me and now calls the shots because it became clear to her that I needed her more than she needed me. This dynamic needs to change and regaining my confidence is a major piece of that. Today I went for a jog and brought my son along so he could ride his bike. Getting in shape is a high priority right now, right behind improving my relationship with my son.

When I read about your money issues and the need to keep your W's credit good, I see myself. I also did the same things which means I am now being hassled by junk debt buyers for old written off credit cards while my WAW has mostly flawless credit. I cannot stop paying on the apartment, which is in my name anyway, without risking the possibility that I might not be able to get another one in this tight rental market due to my poor credit history. After giving the issue some thought last night I have a plan; I am on a month by month lease so I can end the lease with a month's notice. I just have to find another apartment and get a lease lined up then give notice to my WAW and landlord; she would have to make a lease agreement with landlord and I get my deposit back; then W has to start bearing some of the costs which I have borne for the past year and it forces her to have to start seeing what a life without me would actually be like. W makes little over half of what I make but she pays very few bills so most of that money goes to clothes and cosmetics, etc., for attracting the OMs she is seeing.

This is so frustrating, to have to do all this work just so the real work can begin. But the current course of action is not working so I really need to shake things up before progress can begin.