For better or for worse, for richer or for PORES?

[Raine]

Shining, okay lady, I know where you are at. Things are moving, but you feel like you have no game plan. You feel like there needs to be some kind of talk. You want to make sure that you don't get locked into some new relationship without dealing with and closing the past, where you have to accept what has happened, what may be happening, what could possibly happen later. You don't want to go through life feeling fake, like none of this stuff ever happened. You feel suffocated at the thought of ignoring and pretending...right? That was my fear. That I would be beyond the point where my needs mattered. It would be too late.

Let me tell you, it will never be too late. It is just going to take longer than you think it will. I promise you, it will be worth the wait.

I feel like you are at where I was at when I wrote this post: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2385644#Post2385644

So you need to do some work here. And this is for you. He doesn't get to be a part of this work and maybe he never will be either. You need to figure out exactly what you want and what you need in your life, in a relationship, everything. You need to know what is flexible and what is not. Knowing these things gives you power, because then when you're presented with options, you already know which door to choose. You're not laying up at night playing through scenarios in your head of what you're going to do if this happens or that happens.

In writing that post I was taking the power. I was not going to have that talk or make demands of my H, but I had the control and knew that at some point in the future when he was ready and I was ready, I could have that conversation.

Now something else that is interesting....I never had to have that conversation. I never had to put my game plan into action. It all happened without it. That's not the point. The game plan is what gave me the peace to just go with the flow and let go. It allowed me to get rid of the anxiety that was holding me in place, making me think that I couldn't move one step further until certain things were taken care of first. The game plan allowed me to keep moving forward.

Now here's the hard part for us women. You don't need to talk about it. Let him lead and initiate the R talks. Don't worry about that you have lost your moment. Those moments will come at the time they should. You never have to force them. You don't need to press and make things happen. Just be patient. Remember that you can always take action tomorrow, in a week, in a year, but you can never undo the action already taken. There is your power. You hold the key to when and on what terms. The moment you use that key, it is gone.