This weekend we are going to an event that we went to last year with H... the kids and I were talking about last years event. My H went, and got drunk as quick as possible and was incredibly horrible the whole night.
I remember how afraid of him I was last year, what he would say to me, would he DO anything to me. His words a year ago were definitely weapons, and they hurt.
One of my son's friends was wearing a computer science shirt that said CS on the front. He told me last week that my H made a very derogatory remark about what the CS meant. So even the kids remember.
I am grateful that my H is no longer that horrible person that he was a year ago. And I do mean horrible.
What is frustrating to me is that I see a lot of my wonderful, warm, caring H... but I don't hear anything about us, coming home, etc.
I still ache every morning... and no, it is not gastric reflux like a friend suggested.
How to get past the hurt, I wonder? I pray, I hear God, I think I am doing what he wants me to do. But the length of this road is so uncertain... I just don't know how much more I am capable of, nor if I am doing enough.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Didn't your last DB consult say your H is coming along, s-l-o-w-l-y, but coming along. Keep your H in your heart, live your life, your H is coming along...you need to quit looking back to see if he's still behind you.
Hang in there...I totally agree with Nik and LnKW...we all have to stop rewinding the tapes from the past that are so painful. Just STOP that kind of thinking. And what also has been helping...is to NOT project ahead...further than your next fun plan....or trip... I am going on a Mission trip with my church on Sun, and then another long week-end with my very best girlfriend of 25+ yrs. That't what I project ahead on...as well as my work and daily commitments.
I know, easier said than done. I also ask God to help me live out each day, one at a time. To give strength and stay on HIS track. It really seems to work for me. I am pleasantly surprised at how each day seems to be going fine... Like someone said here on BB, make each day a little better than the day before....we do have control over that.
Thinking of you, Holdingon, and saying prayers. Hang in there. It is incredible the changes that God has brought about in your sitch. Not to diminish the pain at all - just noticing how much things have changed while reading your description. Stay focused on Him. He is with you every step of the way. ((((((Holdingon))))))
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Didn't your last DB consult say your H is coming along, s-l-o-w-l-y, but coming along. Keep your H in your heart, live your life, your H is coming along...you need to quit looking back to see if he's still behind you.
Wow, cathy, this was great! I agree 100%! 1) Drop the rope and let God take over 2) We can not rush our H's, their journey, their timeline. 3) Know what God has in store for you; a better R with your H. 4) PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE
You can not rush a good thing, don't look back, go forward!
Thanks, everyone... well, just a little pity party... I know they DON'T help... just sharing with those that I know will understand.
Quote: I know, easier said than done. I also ask God to help me live out each day, one at a time. To give strength and stay on HIS track. It really seems to work for me. I am pleasantly surprised at how each day seems to be going fine... Like someone said here on BB, make each day a little better than the day before....we do have control over that.
You are right on the money, here, mooka. I gave this same advice to a friend today. She found out a tumor (benign) had regrown and was already projecting out to the surgery... one day at a time. And the days are so much better than they used to be.
Another friend and I were talking about the books we had read and I was recalling that a year ago, I COULD NOT read, cause I could not make my head concentrate on the page... and for that matter, I could not eat, sleep or do anything else, really.
So, the Lord has brought me (us) this far.. He will see us all through, and He promises whatever happens will be BETTER than it was... that is a joy to hold on to.
Deb, as usual you are right... just SO VERY TIRED of the P word...
Mockers... thanks for your uplifting post. You are right, my H has come a very long way on his journey. As Hope42nd chances says, if the Lord has not healed his heart, I don't want him anyway...
Take care all, and thanks for caring.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I think what we do get back is some of the old H and some of the new H. Afterall, who of us want the exact old H back anyway. Either way, whether I get an improved H or the old one I'll take either. It is the new me that counts and the new me that can make this new M better!
So, is the pity-party over? LMAO! Been there too! As you say if we look back to the year ago person, as we both know and cringe; that person is gone! thank God! I would hate to still be that person! So we have come a long way.
