Finished the DB book last night. WAW asked if we were still on for dinner at her place, she was running late and would not be home till 7 "Its up to you" ... SO I explained by the time we ate I would have to get S ready for bed it would be to late and declined. She TM me a little but I was with S and not really in the mood to talk.... knowing OM is out of the picture and now she wants to talk irritates a bit .. I know it does not help my cause but still stings. So this morning I drop off S and she asks me to come in, I was wanting to detach and just go to work but I came in .. she gives me a hug and asked if I slept and I told her I didn't, she asked why and I told her I have alot going on and really did not want to share, this set her off and she started her spew a bit .. rather than just letting her spew I made the mistake .. backslide a bit .. told her she was the one that pulled away, now that its over with OM she should not expect me to open up right away and I wish she appreciated that ... she went off a bit more, blaming me for her being mentally screwed up ... (MLC script here .. .) I told her the sooner she started taking responsibility for what she has done and stops blaming me for her [censored] up life the faster she will get over it. (Mistake ... but its what I said) ... this upset her and she started crying .. I stayed long enough to calm her down ... told her she has pushed me away for the past 9 months and even before that, she said something that she needs me and our S and I told her she needs to show it ... actions not words (DB believe none of what she says and only 50% of what she does), I know this sets back some of the progress I made, she had made a remark that her life was fine before she met me ... 24 years ago ... I was like WTF>? hell I don't recall either of us having our [censored] together that long ago .. but in her head I can not imagine how twisted it all mus be. So back to dark .... I received a large raise today, one that I will not tell her about .. she was worried she would have to pay child/spousal support ... and with this increase it may just be even enough that she pulls the trigger ... hard to say. But the raise was a huge boost, I was actually in a great mood .. and I sit her looking forward to the changes I can make and have made ... regardless if she is in my life I know I am going to be ok... I have God to thank for that.
