Quick to listen, Slow to speak

[holdingon]

This weekend we are going to an event that we went to last year with H... the kids and I were talking about last years event. My H went, and got drunk as quick as possible and was incredibly horrible the whole night.

I remember how afraid of him I was last year, what he would say to me, would he DO anything to me. His words a year ago were definitely weapons, and they hurt.

One of my son's friends was wearing a computer science shirt that said CS on the front. He told me last week that my H made a very derogatory remark about what the CS meant. So even the kids remember.

I am grateful that my H is no longer that horrible person that he was a year ago. And I do mean horrible.

What is frustrating to me is that I see a lot of my wonderful, warm, caring H... but I don't hear anything about us, coming home, etc.

I still ache every morning... and no, it is not gastric reflux like a friend suggested.

How to get past the hurt, I wonder? I pray, I hear God, I think I am doing what he wants me to do. But the length of this road is so uncertain... I just don't know how much more I am capable of, nor if I am doing enough.