1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 4

[mdu]

I continue to be amazed by how up and down my moods are. Is this typical?

Early yesterday I felt yucky but by the end of the day I was in a really good place. Took the kids to a party at D4's preschool and they had a blast. Sometimes these things can be tough bc typically H and I would go together but he decided not to go, interestingly it didn't really bother me. Last night I just really enjoyed relaxing at home with the kids. We have lots of fun plans this weekend I'm looking forward to.

I'm sure at some point my mental state will take a dip. Since I have the kids all weekend I'll wonder if H is with OW. Can't help but wonder. At some point I will check the CC again. I've definitely decided that if I start to see evidence that he is with OW again I'm going to contact my lawyer and start seriously getting my ducks in a row to file. It's just too much deception for me, I can't see ever getting over it and trusting him again.

Regardless, I'm doing everything I can to figure out how to move on by myself. I'm starting to track my expenses very closely so I know exactly what I can afford on my own and possibly negotiate for H to help pay for the house (right now I just have a very rough budget). I have a bunch of appointments lined up to get general maintenance done on the house and a friend coming next weekend to help me with the yard. Focusing on taking control is definitely empowering. Everyone thinks I'm just 'waiting' for H to decide. Nope, not at all, I'm using this time wisely.