I sure did want to yesterday! Funny you should say that.... I woke up this morning asking myself exactly the same thing. What did I agree to?? I've been wanting to spend time with him and go out for dinner, hang out, etc. for months and months. I miss him.
But...
He isn't him. I have to keep reminding myself that. In theory, an evening with my husband is a great step forward.
In reality? It's not a step at all.
It's only keeping him away from ow for a short time.
It's having the tiny opportunity to let him look at me, hopefully thinking I look really good.
It's the opportunity to show him that the changes I have made are still there. That I can listen, validate, not judge, and smile.
I am readying myself to not see him for a long, long time, because I know I need to let him go out on this journey without me in his way, and figure this out on his own. Or not.
Since S 4/26, there has only been a little more than a week with him pretty interested in what I'm doing, and noticing my changes.
It's not real. Not a R. It's pretty selfish on my part, actually, so I can get to a place where I don't agree to see him, and I remember why.
So yeah, I'm not very excited today like I thought I would be. My expectations are zero. In fact, I would neither be surprised nor disappointed if he cancels.
