Good morning Heather!, Thanks for that post! Couldn't have come at a better time as things aren't going very well at the moment. I tried a couple times in the last few days to talk to my D14 about custody. She just refuses to even talk about it. This is what it was like after B-day when her sister would ask about what was going on between her mom and I. I would tell them both that mom is unhappy and was going through a tuff time, etc. and my older D who was 17-18 at the time would ask deeper questions, my younger D would just say she didn't want to hear about it. Like ignoring it would make it go away. I really think my D14 is hoping that things will get better and that her mother will come to her senses. It breaks my heart! My W should know all about this as she went through D as a child herself! But to her it's different because, like all MLCers, what they are doing isn't the same as when OTHER people do the exact same things.
I can't put off talking to the lawyer. He really needs to respond to my W's filing. The only thing she would say when I insisted that we really need to talk was that she wanted to wait until school started and see how that went and how she feels then. I tried to tell her I was so sorry that she is in this situation. That she isn't being asked who she loves more or choosing either me or her mother. I only want what's best for and I really think that she is old enough to have a say where she lives and what she wants and not be locked into what a court order says she MUST do.
At this point I really think I need to do what I think is best. I just don't think my W even can be a good mother. Past experience has shown that she will work late almost every day and leave D14 home alone until late. That she feels that at 14 she is old enough to fend for herself and doesn't need to bother to cook meals. For the last few years she never would even make time to talk to her when she asked because she was always to tired or too busy. I'm going to tell my L to ask for primary custody with liberal visitation. If my W had just waited and we could have seen how things went once she was in her new school, which would have given our D14 a chance to get into some kind of routine before having to face that her parents are now D'd at the same time as she is having to go through so much other change, maybe I would have felt better about the 50/50, 7 days with me, 7 days with her mom that my W has wanted so badly from the start. But like a typical MLCer she can only think about herself and what SHE wants, never about what is best for anyone else.
My W has said that what she really wants is to be on her own. Well, she has that but now that's not enough. Now she must get the D right now. I'm sure when that doesn't magically make her happy she will find some new thing that she must have to make her happy! I'm more convinced then ever that she isn't getting what she thought she would from leaving. If she had she wouldn't be pushing things forward so quickly. I also think she thinks she can get whatever she wants as I've pretty much allowed her to do whatever she wanted for a long time. Well, not now. Not when it's about what is best for my D! So, I'll be telling my L to go ahead and ask for full custody today. I hope it's what's best for my D and the fact that my W only cares what is best for HER and not her D just seals it for me!
Thanks for the great greeting this morning! Really needed that hug!!
