I am seeing a therapist. I've been seeing her since June 2013. I also see my priest.
I swear I don't have an anger problem. I don't get angry. I don't lose my tempter. I dislike anger. I dislike loudness.
This is why I disengage when my wife begins yelling. I find her terrifying when she starts screaming.
When I moved back home last August I was so terrified of her I locked the basement door every night.
I realize now I overreacted because she only came to the basement twice the entire year I lived in the house.
But the fear is real to me. If I was a woman no one would have a problem with this.
My wife is terrifying when she gets angry. She yells and I can't get her to calm down.
The first marriage counselor took me to the side and told to read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells." It was an eye opener. It was like the author knew my wife.
I felt safe with the first marriage counselor until our third session.
At the third session he told my wife he suggested the book, "Stop Walking on Eggshells" to me.
Then he apologized to my wife!!! He told her he had "made a bad call" which "happens sometimes."
She asked what the book was about and he said borderline personalities. Then he proceeds to tell her he "got it wrong" and asked her to forgive him.
I'm not going to rehash our time with the first marriage counselor. But, I don't think he got it wrong. I think my wife has borderline personality disorder.
I think this guy changed his mind because he got the hots for my wife.
She did a lot of things outlined in the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells."
I am trying to change. But I don't know what to do. I honestly believe she is mentally ill. She flies into terrifying rages. This cannot be normal.
Before I left last June I told her she needed mental health counseling. This suggestion enraged her. Looking back I can understand why. I would say she needed mental health counseling during an argument--so it probably sounded like I was name calling.
Later I learned she had been seeing a counselor since December 2012. She hadn't told me. She said she didn't tell me because she felt I was judgmental.
I don’t think the counseling has helped. She is not getting better. She can’t control her tempter.
Every conversation about our relationship in the last 18 months has dissolved into an argument. Every one. And it is her fault. She is the one who starts to yell. She will admit this.
I would literally listen to her verbally assault me for hours until she wore herself out and said something like, “I can see this isn’t getting us anywhere.” And then I go to bed until the next attack.
I kept hoping if I listened to her long enough she would feel validated. But it didn’t work. It just got her angrier. The longer she talked the more “faults” she found with me. And when I agreed her response was, “I don’t want you to agree with me just to agree with me.”
Oh for goodness sakes! How do you resolve anything?
This is why I stay silent. Sure, I hate living in a one bedroom apartment. I want to go home. But I don’t want to go back home to that. I hate living like that.
What I don't understand is why she didn't hate living like that.
I want peace. I try to have peace. I don’t yell at her. I talk to her about her day. I am interested in what she does and what she thinks. I cook the meals. I mow the lawn. I put money in the accounts. I don’t go drinking with my buddies.
I just don’t want to discuss “us” any more. Does that make sense?
