Wife is Continuing Affair-When Do I Start LRT IV

[Train]

My son, who was a month away from 8, saw texts between H and OW on his dad's phone and put things together. (Daddy moved out, Mom is sad, Daddy's texting (insert OW's pet name here)).

He asked me about it, and I was honest. (I was also age-appropriate in my response.)

It might not be a popular stance on these boards, and it's most probably not a DB approach. But at a time when my kids' lives were turned upside down and H was having an A in my small hometown - so practically everyone knew and MANY were talking about it - I chose to be the one person who would be honest with the kids who were old enough to ask questions and/or understand what was going on.

I've been told by one vet here that my actions were "sickening." I was also accused, by the same poster, of throwing my H off his "hero" pedestal in my son's mind. My position is that IF H was thrown from some "hero" status, he did that himself by 1. abandoning his family for OW and 2. not scrubbing his texts thoroughly before handing S8 his phone to play with.

H is back, and he and S8 continue to have a remarkable relationship. S8 rarely makes statements or asks questions about those few months. But when he does? H is open and honest with him about it. And he uses it as a teaching moment for S8. I also remain open and honest. It has given me opportunities to talk about the value of love and forgiveness.

Life will never be perfect for anyone.

When a child sees something and asks about it - especially in these circumstances - I think it's important they know at least one person in their universe is being stable and consistent and honest ... but also CAREFUL in how it's handled. No trash-talking W. But I know I don't have to tell you this.

That's just me, though, Dev.