I am so sorry you are having to go through this. It must be awful.
Try to keep in good spirits. Regardless of what happens with your marriage, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will find joy again.
For what it is worth, here are my thoughts -
1) Live your life without thinking about how it makes your wife feel. This should start with sleeping in your own bed and ending this timeshare arrangement.
2) You need to recognize that your marriage is over. Maybe, one day, you will have a new marriage with your wife. Maybe not. But as of now, it is over. You need to talk to a lawyer and start working through some separation issues. This includes both finances and child custody. Right now, your wife is a stay at home mom, fully supported by you financially with %100 custody of the kids. If you were to get divorced, would you want this to change? You should be thinking about how you would manage partial custody of your kids and how finances would work. Your wife may need to start looking for a job. TALK TO A LAWYER!
3) You have the attitude that divorce is not an option. First, you may not have a choice. Second, if your wife is not willing to respect any boundaries you put up, divorce may be your best option. You should start thinking about this.
Again, these are just suggestions. It is your life. Your wife has put you in a tricky situation. It is your life. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for the choices you make. This is tough.
