Thanks for your thoughts, Ss06. I appreciate them all.
He very well could have an OW. Probably has had one. I agree, although not sure about a permanent one. I don't think he had one before we split, though - simply because it would have been extremely hard. He lives with his mother, remember And he was home all the time last year before we split and were doing LD. We Skyped day and night, so I could see he was actually at home, etc. I'm also not sure he would have moved across the world if this was the case. He probably would have ended it before he ever came.
After the BD though, is anyone's guess! Luckily for me he's still living with his mother so he might not be the biggest catch
You are correct that we're deep in the friend zone; I don't deny it. I know it, in fact. I just feel like I'm okay with that right now. He knows that we're not going to actually be friends down the line.. as in, if this is over, so is any friendship.. and he agrees. So I guess I've always felt like the fact he still wants to be friendly is a sign that he's not sure about being 100% over.
That's also how I felt about the visa. I agree with you, it was a ridiculous move, in a way! Over 48 hours of travel, over $2k spent. BUT getting that visa was the only way we even *could* have a future. I can no longer live in his country. So, in my mind, I like that he was willing to spend that amount of money to keep his options open. I certainly didn't expect it.
Look, don't get me wrong. There are plenty of things I am angry about and he hasn't treated me appropriately, in many ways. But contrary to how it seems, I don't sit around stewing on it. I have my business, I've just started freelance writing, I go for walks, and I see people when they're around. I probably only think about him in this sad way during those emotional periods of the month (pardon the pun).
As for NC, I've considered it. I may still do it. But here is my catch.. you know those movies that you watch and they don't really give you a proper ending. Like, if you're a romantic, you think they got back together, but if you're a cynic you think "of course they didn't." I hate those movies.. always have.
So it would be pretty hard for me to just go NC because I would kill myself with the what-ifs. What if he thinks I hate him? What if he would have come back and I ruined my chances? What if he's about to write to me?
Frankly, I don't think NC would change anything. As I said above, I get by okay. I just get emotional once in a while and then I rant on here.
If this seems like I'm arguing, btw, I'm not trying to. I see a lot of what you're saying. But he's not a bad guy and never has been. He's having a pretty selfish moment right now, true, and he has a lot of work to do on himself before I would ever take him back. It's not like if he said "Okay, I'm coming back to your country and we'll move in together" I'd say yes. I wouldn't. I just don't think our story is over, but I guess I have a vested interest in believing that. We'll see, I guess.
And he was home all the time last year before we split and were doing LD. We Skyped day and night, so I could see he was actually at home, etc. I'm also not sure he would have moved across the world if this was the case. He probably would have ended it before he ever came. 
