Nitty in a Nutshell (Help! I'm in a nutshell!)

[Nitty]

HopeTex, reading other people's sitches really does help because I see how other people are dealing. It makes me look at my sitch in a different way.

But I'm also worried, because I'm becoming less patient as a result... seeing everybody treated like crap, and it makes me mad by their MLCers.

Like your W. She was so callous, just trying to bully you into moving out.

And then I think, Hey! I'm being treated like crap, too! And something twists inside me and it asks very loudly: "NITTY. Why are you holding on to this a$$hole?"

I interviewed attorneys today. All the while I kept thinking: "I hate this. I do not want a divorce!" And "He is full of sh!t! Get rid of the a$$hole!"

Like there's two people in my head and they're really pissed at each other.

And then... he texted me today.

Have to do more dental work. Damn.

So. He went to the dentist. This is just like a pre-BD text. Just sharing with the old ball-and-chain. OK.

So I wrestle with this... do I respond? He is sharing his problem with me.

But! He is also divorcing me!

And... he is disgusted by me, he said so.

I made my case last week to save our marriage, blubbering like a baby, and he shot me down because He Is Through. Done With Her Ass. He said so in mediation.

So what is this? Is he changing his mind? Is he trying to eat cake? Is he playing games again?

Finally, I wrote back.

Sucky. Sorry.

About 20 minutes later, he wrote back:

I haven't even started my forms. Work is killing me.

He's talking about the "Divorce Nitty's Ass" forms the mediator gave him to fill out before our next mediation appointment.

Is he going to cancel the next mediation appointment because he's too busy to finish filling out the forms? I guess that would be good, more time is always good, but does that mean ... what?

In the old days I would've offered to do whatever it was he couldn't get done because of his job. So I want to say something like, "No way! Are you actually hinting that you want me to fill out the forms for a divorce I do not want?"

Probably best not to respond at all. I probably shouldn't have responded to his first text.

I am so confused. I am so unsure about the best way to handle any of this.