I have to say, and remember that I am NOT a VET by any stretch of the imagination, you are deep in the friend zone.
I've read every word you've written in this thread and I keep coming back to his inability to define what the heck is going on. You're hanging on every word, responding only when he writes, etc but it is my (uneducated) opinion that you should go NC for a while. Get a life, pound the pavement for a job, make friends like crazy, get your mind off this man who is mistreating you in his absence. Your situation is unique because of the distance but relationship expectations aren't different.
I know you have lots of reasons that there's no OW but his behavior to me SCREAMS OW. He can still contact you and email you and call you and still be porking some other woman or many other women. I know that's harsh. I do. I just really want you to start thinking about you. What you need. You're holding on so tightly to him (and who can blame you, you've been in a committed relationship with him and he literally just up and fled) but he's not coming back the way things are right now. You don't even know WHY he left in the first place. Right?
I can't figure out WHY someone would fly 24 hours to work on a visa and fly out again 24 hours later. I mean, just the expense of the trip alone seems counter intuitive. I'm just spitballing here, Vossy.
You're not detached (and me saying that is the pot calling the kettle black so I totally understand how HARD that is) but it's not terribly hard when you live thousands of miles away from your BF. You deserve BETTER so give it to yourself and show him that you deserve it by treating yourself better. What would happen if you didn't respond to his email? I know you think you might shrivel up and die inside but you won't. What is actually being accomplished in these emails? Just checking in, talking like buddies? He's cake eating if you ask me or he just does not have the balls to tell you what is really going on.
The distance makes things SUPER difficult which is why, I think, many may see your relationship as a lost cause. Another reason, to me, is because he's clearly playing you like a fiddle. You deserve more than he's giving you which is basically NOTHING.
I wish you strength and courage to stop playing his game and write the rules yourself. Stop contact. It's only making you miserable and you're hanging on it for weeks. He's treating you poorly and you're letting him.
