Thank you Lisa and Train. I really appreciate you chiming in on my thread. Train, I'm sorry to hear about your dad. (((()))))
You're right, train, this is some serious stuff. Anyone else have a panic attack every time they hear the words "hey, we need to talk"??? Oh I freaking hate those words now.
Tonight is D6's first night at "her dad's house". I had plans to GAL but my friend is sick and can't go for drinks so I'm in a big house all alone. I texted my bestie and she suggested almost EXACTLY what you suggested, Train. I'm taking the hint and I'm going to give myself a facial, eat something tasty, pour a glass of wine, read, do a little online shopping for D6's birthday next week and perhaps shed a few tears.
I wish I knew if I'm chipping away at H's heart at all. I think that's one of the hardest parts here (aside from the impact on my daughter). I'm making these changes for me, absolutely, but there's no denying the catalyst was him wanting to leave. This makes him angry and resentful. He doesn't understand why I didn't change before he wanted a divorce. I tried. I really did. I felt like my behavior was hinged on his and he wasn't willing to change so I only changed a little. Looking back on that I find it so juvenile and petty. I feel like my whole life is in his hands because of a juvenile and petty decision I made and that I'll be punished for it (so will my daughter) for the rest of my life. If only he knew what giving me just a tiny chance would do, how different EVERYTHING would be.
It's hard not to ask "what more does he want from me" and remember that he's going through his own stuff. I can work on me, that's great but I feel so powerless. It takes TWO people to decide to get married but it only takes ONE to end a marriage and that doesn't seem right. Guess I'm keeping on with Maybell's Mad Day.
