early on ?MLC

[mleigh4]

Tuff- I totally get what you are saying about the snooping. I drove myself crazy too. I was desperately looking for a reason why this was happening! I checked the phone records, snuck into his wallet at night to get his cc numbers to check those. Then would make up stories on how I found out where he was. It was horrible and so out of character for me. I have never had a reason not to trust H before and I didn't like how I was acting at all, that is why I moved out of the house instead of H. I felt like I was so spinning out of control and causing more damage than good. And a year later I have never found proof of OW.

You mentioned your H seeming lost and confused. I think that is exactly what he is feeling. It seems to me that he needs his time and space to figure things out. Do his eyes look cold and distant? Is he forgetful and scattered? I think they really do just lose their way. But your H also sounds like he wants this time, but not willing to let you go at the same time. I figure that is a good thing, right? My H was the same. I guess I just think back to when I was emotionally withdrawn. My H backed off and let me be, and sure enough I came back. You said you went through that too? Take this time to think about what YOU want in life. What makes you happy. What hobbies you enjoy. Don't try to make any decision right now, it's way too soon. My therapist told me, accept uncertainty. You don't know what will happen, you can't control any of it, you can only control your own actions.

I know obsession, believe me. OCD runs in my family and this brought it out. My C prescribed me a mild anti depressant to help me sleep. Have you been sleeping? Lack of sleep makes everything that much more overwhelming and sets off my anxiety. Are you seeing a therapist? That has also helped me tons!

Hang in there. You are doing good and you have come to the right place. The advice here is good. Just take day by day. The big picture is too much to look at right now. Keep reading about MLC and other self help books. Take care of yourself. Watch funny movies and spend time with supportive friends.